The Problem

All my life, I have thought that other people, things, issues, etc., were the problem.

I now realize I am the problem.

Now, that doesn’t mean that people, things, issues, etc. don’t cause issues in my life.

Even if these issues are not my fault, they are my problem.

You have no control over what happens to you.

Where you can become the problem is how you react to what happens to you.

It’s easier to blame others.

However, since we have no control over others it is impossible to fix that problem.

We do have control over what we do next.

This idea that you are the problem can be both terrifying and liberating.

If you’re the problem, you can’t blame others for the issues in your life.

If you’re the problem, then you are also the solution.

It’s the idea of taking ownership of your life that’s hard.

Are we going to make it better or worse?

I have a choice today.

I can accept what is and is not in my control and be grateful, or I can curse the world.

Either way, what is going on around me won’t change.

It is not easy.

The idea that we can make any situation better by the choices we make is freeing.

Choose wisely.

Choices

We all have choices.

Good or bad is our impression of them. Some that we thought were good will turn out bad. Some that we thought were bad will turn out good.

One thing we do not choose is what happens to us.

“No one can implicate me in ugliness…To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2.1

Getting angry at someone who has done something wrong to us is a natural, visceral reaction. Staying angry and becoming bitter is a choice.

“Choose to not be harmed – you won’t be harmed. Don’t feel harmed – you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4.7

Most people are not evil. You have to assume that they are doing what they think is right, even if you don’t.

“People are usually trying to do what they think is best…they just aren’t always thinking about how “what’s best” might affect you.” – Daily Stoic Newsletter email

It doesn’t really matter why they do what they do. You have no control over that.

Your choice comes with how you respond.

No one knows what other people are going through. Therefore we cannot judge their choices.

We need to have compassion for everyone around us, even when they have down wrong by you.

Compassion will let you respond thoughtfully when someone does you wrong.

You may not like their choice, but who’s to say you would have chose differently under the circumstances.

Choose forgiveness. Choose to move forward in a positive direction.

“Everyone gets one life to live. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2.6

Don’t leave your choices up to someone else. Take control of your life and happiness.

Acceptance

“How much wiser would it be to accept what we are given and show justice, moderation, and obedience to God, and do this in all simplicity.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.27

You have to be willing to take what you are given, good or bad. Whatever is handed to you, soldier on.

Wanting something other than what the universe has in store for you is a recipe for unhappiness.

Accept your current situation. There is no other option.

Accept that your past is over, and there is nothing you can do to change it.

“We can just try sitting with it all – our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions – and letting everything be just as it is.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcoming the Unwelcome

Acceptance of the present and past, does not mean that you have to accept a future of misery.

If what you think you want is in the cards, it will come to you.

Be patient. Be present. Focus on what you control.

Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your actions. How you treat other people.

You will receive exactly what you can handle and what is mean to to be for you.

Accept it.

Justice or Forgiveness

Do you believe in justice or forgiveness?

I believe in both.

But I think justice needs to be defined first.

Justice requires us to do the right thing, even when it is hard and unpopular.

Justice also means doing the most good for the most people.

Without justice, there would be lawlessness.

After justice, there must be forgiveness.

Forgiveness is for both people, the wrongdoer and the wronged.

Hate and revenge are heavy burdens to bear.

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” – Nelson Mandela

Forgiveness allows a person to let go of their hate and need for revenge and unburden themselves.

Now that sounds great, but it is easier said than done.

You don’t have to forget what happened to forgive.

Forgiveness allows you to let go of what happened and move on in positive direction.

Some things are hard to forgive, but we have to try so that we can be free.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boose

Justice

Justice is the hardest of the four Stoic virtues.

Justice means doing the right thing even when it is hard and unpopular.

Justice requires you to live up to the other three virtues.

Justice requires the wisdom to know what the right thing is in any situation.

“The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom.” – Aristotle

Justice requires the courage to do the right thing in the face of people who disagree with you and may even hate you for it.

“Courage is of no value unless accompanied by justice; yet if all men became just, there would be no need for courage.” – Agesilaus the Second

Justice requires the discipline to do the right thing again and again.

“[A] man has it in his power to be just, if he have but the will to be so.” – Plutarch, Lives: Life of Cato the Younger

We need to be just because it is the right thing no matter what others do or if we get praise.

“Live out your life in truth and justice, tolerant of those who are neither true nor just.” – Marcus Aurelius.

Justice is the reward in its own right. Don’t worry about what others think. What you think and do is all that matters.

Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.

What I believe in

Courage – do what’s right especially when it’s hard and unpopular.

Have high expectations for everyone including myself.

Justice – every child should have what they need to succeed. Fair is not equal.

Relationships are key. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Everyone should have a say in their environment.

Stop believing we know what is right about how every child learns. Ask them. Open our minds to new possibilities.

Wisdom – to have the humility to know that I don’t know everything and the confidence to continue to learn.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” – Unknown

Learn with students and from everyone you come into contact with.

It is less about being right. It’s more about learning and considering different views.

“Am I hear to learn something or to prove something?“ – Holstee, Reflections newsletter

We should spend more time asking questions than pretending like we have all the answers.

We all need to rethink our beliefs regularly.

Discipline – to have control over my emotions and actions and to live my life according to these ideals.

“Excellence not perfection” – Adam Grant, Think Again Podcast.

Life is hard. You have to keep grinding every day no matter what.

“The impediment to action advances the action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius