Exhausted

When life hits us hard, exhaustion is the default.

Not only are you dealing with the reality of the situation, but you are also dealing with every worst-case scenario of what is to come in your head.

Our tendency toward negativity bias was a plus when the rustling in the bushes could eat you.

Now that most of us don’t have to worry about imminent danger every day our brains take every threat, minor or major, as an existential one.

Being constantly “on” is exhausting.

Not every threat is a threat.

We have to overcome that initial emotional surge from what has happened.

Then we have to try to harness those emotions positively.

We tend to push toward action.

We want the issue solved…NOW.

Action is positive if we know where we need to go.

If the future is vague we often need to be still.

Let it settle. Make sure that whatever you are going to do next is putting you on the right path.

That’s easier said than done.

We want it to be over. We want a good night’s sleep. We want the exhaustion to go away.

But going in the wrong direction only prolongs the pain because now we have to turn around and start over.

“The worst of it feels permanent, but usually isn’t. You don’t have to solve anything in that moment, or figure out what it all means. You just have to get to the other side of it.” – David Epstein, Range Widely newsletter.

Be still. Be present. Plan the next step.

Nothing

I need to learn to do nothing.

The hard part is that it becomes another thing to schedule or check off your to do list.

I have always equated being busy with being productive.

That’s certainly not true if you are getting the wrong things done.

I also equate doing nothing with being lazy.

Like anything else it is about balance.

There is a time for doing and a time for being. We are human beings not human doings.

When life is uncertain we want to keep moving.

Movement feels like progress, even comforting, but the progress may be in the wrong direction.

“When you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.” – Denis Healey

That’s easier said than done.

Often doing something feels better than doing nothing, even if that something is making things worse.

Breathe. Be present. Calm.

If you just do the next right thing, even if that is nothing, it will get better.

Knowing the Unknowable

The unknown is unknowable.

Why?

Because its’ in the name.

What am I afraid of?

The unknown future.

That’s where the anxiety comes from. Wanting to know the future.

“Do not disturb yourself by imagining your whole life at once. Do not sit in grief imagining what discontents are yet to come. Instead, ask yourself in any given moment: ‘What is so be unbearable about this? Why can’t I endure it?” – Meditations 8:36, Marcus Aurelius

Look at the “bad” things that have happened in your life. Did you see them coming?

Probably not, or you would have avoided them.

But is what happened really bad?

Maybe, maybe not.

But you probably didn’t see the good things coming either.

Whether something is good or bad is unknowable to you at the time.

We as humans are limited in knowing what is good or bad in any given moment.

That only becomes clear in hindsight.

The best any of us can do is get the most out of this moment.

Being present cures anxiety.

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” – On the Happy Life, Seneca