“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen from the Holstee Welcome Guide
Stop worrying about being perfect and start worrying about being you.
“Excellence not perfection.” – Adam Grant
Stop being so hard on yourself when you make mistakes or things don’t go your way.
The only way not to make mistakes is to never do anything new.
If you don’t try anything new, then how do you grow, how do you learn, how do experience new things?
The short answer is you don’t. The price of life is learning to fail, learn, and move on.
Keep pushing but become ok with getting it wrong often.
Where you are now is where you are meant to be. Success comes from hard work and grit.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
Keep trying. Keep learning. Keep smiling.
It’s not easy, but in the long run it’s worth it.
There is so much hostility in the world right now.
We could all use a little more compassion towards others and ourselves.
Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, which really isn’t helpful.
Empathy is a start. At least you are trying to understand what someone is going through.
Compassion is when you feel sympathy and empathy, AND you are actively doing something about it.
Most people, when confronted with someone who is generally concerned and wants to help, will at the very least lose some of their hostility.
“When we focus on others, we find motivation that is difficult to marshal for ourselves alone.” – Sheryl Sandberg, Option B, p. 97
Most people are more hostile in their own mind towards themselves than they would ever be to others. One mistake can elicit a torrent of negative thoughts.
“[Self-compassion] does not mean shirking responsibility for our past. It’s about making sure we don’t beat ourselves up so badly that we damage our future … Instead of thinking ‘if only I weren’t,’ we can think ‘if only I hadn’t’” – Sheryl Sandberg, Option B, p. 60-61
Self-compassion does not mean lowering your standards or making the same mistakes over and over. It means giving yourself a break when you do make a mistake.
Give yourself the grace you need to learn from your mistakes and move forward in a positive direction. The same grace you give other people.
“I learned from Maximus to do my duties quietly and without complaining, while being dignified and charming” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 1.15.
What happened to leading from the front with humility? Not always looking for recognition. Never complaining about how hard you have it. Dealing with issues without looking for recognition or a pat on the back.
Now it seems every leader has to puff out their chest or announce every minor accomplishment on social media. It’s like the football player that has to celebrate every first down. Act like you’ve been there before.
In the classic Good to Great, Jim Collins discusses a Level 5 leader. A Level 5 leader has the combination of humility and indomitable will. Leaders who do whatever needs to be done to complete the job and don’t look for the credit.
In Think Again, Adam Grant describes confident humility, as “having faith in our capability while appreciating that we may not have the right solution or even addressing the right problem.” Leaders who believe in themselves but look to others for help in solving difficult problems.
Puffing out your chest with every accomplishment may feed your ego but will it inspire people to follow you? Maybe for a while but eventually they will get tired of you taking all the credit.
I am not saying leaders can’t celebrate the accomplishments of their team. The key word there is team. No one in leadership ever accomplished anything alone. Make it about those around you, not you.
Where has civility gone in our society? You don’t have to agree with what’s going on, but why are you screaming about it. Discourse is slowly dying in this country.
I have no problem with people being passionate about their beliefs. However there is a way of being passionate and civil that seems to be lost on many of us.
If you’re going to be rude, I am unlikely to listen to you. If you scream at me, call me names because I don’t agree with you, I will turn you off. So even if you have valid points they are not making it into my brain for me to even consider.
As Adam Grant discusses in his book, Think Again, we spend too much time being a preacher, a prosecutor, or a politician. We preach to protect and promote our ideas. We prosecute when we see a flaw in someone’s argument and want to prove them wrong. We politic to win others over to our side. In all three of those cases what are we not doing? Listening.
The first thing we all need to do is listen, really listen. We need to listen before we respond. We need to listen with empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Does that always change our opinion or response? Not always, but maybe, just maybe the other person says something you agree with. Then what.
Then you must modify your opinion. Very few things in life are set in stone. Adam Grant describes this as thinking like a scientist. A scientist is willing to take in new information and modify their opinion based on that new information.
We will never always agree, but that doesn’t mean we have to scream at each other. We do have an obligation to change our opinion if and when information is presented to us that shows we are wrong. To do that we need to listen. For others to want to listen to you at the very least you need to be civil.