Preaching

For those of us who have found the benefits of philosophy, whether it be Stoic, Christian, Buddhist, or some other tradition, we want to preach about those benefits to those around us.

We want to show people the error of their ways by showing them that we know a better way.

That strategy will fail.

When you preach and tell people where they are wrong, they shut down and stop listening.

They think you are self-righteous.

They get defensive and think you don’t understand their situation.

And you know what they’re right.

Even if it is your spouse, child, sibling, or best friend, as much as we can empathize with someone and their situation, we don’t honestly know what they are going through.

The philosophy that you found groundbreaking and helpful may fall flat for someone else.

The best thing you can do for someone else is be supportive in their journey and live by example.

The best way to show someone the benefits of your philosophy is to live it every day.

To be a positive example of what that philosophy has done in your life.

Empty words will help no one, but positive actions will.

Good and Bad

This week, good and bad things are guaranteed to happen.

How will you deal with them?

Whatever happens, it will change sooner or later.

The key is not to get too high with the good things or too low with the bad.

Take them both in stride.

Often the good things seem to only last minutes and the bad seem to last forever.

Try to keep an even keel.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

“Persist and resist” – Epictetus

The key is persistence and perseverance.

Don’t let the good times blind you to the ills that may befall you.

Don’t let the bad times blind you to all the wonderful things you have in life.

Keep going. The path will change eventually.

Either way, you can make it through.

Moving Forward

Moving forward requires a solid taste of reality.

You will never move forward if you still think that what is gone will come back.

You have to let go of the past.

“When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be.” – The Daily Coach, Notes from an Elder newsletter

You have to be present.

You have to set new goals for the future.

You have to put one foot in front of the other and make the life that you want.

You can’t listen to the naysayers and those that don’t want you to succeed.

You have to listen to that little voice inside you that says to keep going. You have to believe.

You have to remember you are 100% getting through bad days.

It may not be the life you thought you would have but it can be the life that you never imagined.

It will not be easy. It may be scary. But it can be possible if you really believe.

Put your head down and get to work.

Letting Go

This post is a companion to last week’s about wishful thinking.

Once you have gotten over your wishful thinking about how your life should work out in the future.

You have to let go.

Let go of people, places, and things that may be keeping you from being present in this moment and living the life that is right in front of you.

Holding on and wishful thinking are ways of denying reality. We may not want it to be true, but it is.

Are you strong enough to let go?

We are very good at talking ourselves into holding on. That’s wishful thinking.

Letting go can be freeing.

It can clear all the mental clutter that is holding you back.

But change is scary. What if it doesn’t work out?

Guess what you have only so much control over that anyway. Focus on what you can control.

Giving your best effort at making the most of the situation.

Turning this situation into a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.

Wishful Thinking

We all wish our lives had turned a little bit different. There’s always something we regret or wish had gone the other way.

“To be able to accept what is, we have to relinquish our hold on how we wish things to be.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 61

Sometimes we hold on to things because we think that is what we are supposed to do.

We should take this path because that is what is expected of us, even if it makes us miserable.

Or if we hold on to that dream just a little longer, it is bound to come true.

“Holding on is a survival tactic born out of fear and scarcity. Fear is a craving for safety.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 62

Sometimes the best gift we can give to ourselves is to let go of what we hoped would have or hope will happen.

This is the Buddhist idea of hopelessness. Not hoping things turned out differently but being present with how things did turn out.

The way we want things to turn out often doesn’t happen and that dream may be unattainable. We have to let go of what we thought we want, to have the future that’s out there for us.

“Since the amount of stress you experience depends on the intensity of your reaction, the only solution that is within your control is changing yourself.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 65

Let go. Be open to the possibilities that are in front of you. Make the obstacle the way.

“The impediment to the action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5.20

Life is going to happen how it happens. We only have control over our response to what happens.

To think that we can change most outcomes. That truly is wishful thinking.

One Day At A Time

That is all we have.

Honestly, we only have this moment.

As each moment ends it becomes our past. There is nothing we can do to change it.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan for the future. We should.

We just need to understand that those plans may not turn out how we hoped.

When life throws you a curve, you have to adjust and make the best of the situation.

You do that one moment at a time. One day at a time.

Your Opinion

“Everything is opinion.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.26

Most of what goes through our heads each day about our life are opinions, not facts.

What is the evidence that what you are saying to yourself or about your situation is true?

Evidence, not opinions.

Often these opinions are because of a lack of patience.

We are impatient with how our life is going or where we are in life right now.

You can be honest with yourself without being harsh.

You can be compassionate without being delusional.

Focus on the facts, the evidence on hand, right now.

Don’t create a catastrophe where one doesn’t exist.

Our thoughts and opinions are under our control. We don’t have to believe the narrative that goes through our head.

Thoughts can be like boats on the water as you sit on the beach.

Let them sail by. They don’t have to mean anything.

To let them upset you is your choice.

We need to be present in this moment. It is all we have.

No one knows what the next moment has in store for us.

Be open to all the possibilities. Even the ones that you may not have contemplated in the past.

Healing

Some of the worst scars are in our minds. Often they are self-inflicted.

They are the ones no one sees.

Past mistakes, the pain we have caused others, not living up to what the world expects from us.

We blame ourselves and others for what has happened to us.

“It feels easier to live life blaming other people for any tension you may feel in your mind…” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 63

It doesn’t matter who is to blame. Blame is like picking a scab. Blame will never let the wound heal.

How do we let these wounds heal?

Compassion for yourself and others.

We say things to ourselves we would never say to a friend that was going through the same thing.

We have to show ourselves the same compassion we show our friends.

It’s not easy. We all have a running monologue in our head, and often it is not very kind.

It starts with hopelessness. We have to be open to the present moment as it is not as we hope it would be.

However, we need to have hope it will get better in the future.

We can create hopelessness and hope by focusing on what we control.

“Healing is when you intentionally decrease the tension you carry in your mind.” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 34

Often we need to just pause. Acknowledge whatever thought or emotion we are having. Then let it go.

We have to give ourselves the space for these wounds to heal.

“This too shall pass.” – Persian quote

Whatever is happening is never as bad as we make it out to be in our minds.

It is usually not fatal. You will survive it.

Hope v. Hopelessness

I have been a Christian all of my life. I began to study Stoicism 3 years ago. In the last two months I have begun study Buddhism.

Three traditions founded on different ideals but all following similar universal truths.

Hope – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Oxford Languages

Hopelessness – a feeling or state of despair. Oxford Languages

It would seem obvious that no one would want hopelessness and everyone would want hope.

But is it so obvious?

Christians define hope as the belief that God will deliver what he has promised, everlasting life.

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s live has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

As seen in the above Scripture hope is not easy. It is built on suffering and endurance.

Hope is not focused on worldly issues. We must turn over whatever happens to us to God in the hope of everlasting life

Buddhists define hopelessness as wanting nothing other than what is happening in the present moment.

“But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death.” – Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart

Hopelessness is not about despair. It is about being present and not wishing that things turned out differently.

It is about focusing on what is in front of you with an openness to the possibilities.

Stoicism tells us to focus on what we can control.

We control our emotions and our reactions. We don’t control what happens to us.

When looking at these three ideals, I feel the key is to have hope that tomorrow will be better than today. To live with hopelessness that this moment is what your life was meant to be no matter what is happening. To do this, we need to focus on what we can control and not get caught up in what has happened to us.

Dying A Little Every Moment

Momento Mori – meditate on death

I wrote an earlier blog post on Momento Mori, but I have been contemplating this idea again recently.

Why would anyone want to think about their own death?

Why? Because if you contemplate that you will die that is when you begin to live.

No one can predict the future which means no one knows when they will die.

It could be today. It could be 100 years from now.

There are millions of people, both young and old, that will die today. Some may know it is coming. Most do not.

That means we should live each moment to its greatest potential, not sweating the small stuff.

Each moment is a death, whereas the next moment is a birth.

“Every event of our lives has a beginning, a middle, and an end…Every day is made of countless moments, and each of these precious moments ends and becomes a past lifetime.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome

That means no matter what has just happened, you have a new moment to make it better, fix that mistake, to say you’re sorry.

“You will have the insight that there are continual and endless opportunities to have a fresh start. In each moment, one lifetime ends, and another begins.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome

It may seem hopeless. It may seem that there is no way out.

Just wait for the next minute. You are never know what is around the next corner.

Don’t give up hope.

“See everything as a passing memory.” – Trungpa Rinpoche

Remembering that you will die will help you live.

Acceptance

“How much wiser would it be to accept what we are given and show justice, moderation, and obedience to God, and do this in all simplicity.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.27

You have to be willing to take what you are given, good or bad. Whatever is handed to you, soldier on.

Wanting something other than what the universe has in store for you is a recipe for unhappiness.

Accept your current situation. There is no other option.

Accept that your past is over, and there is nothing you can do to change it.

“We can just try sitting with it all – our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions – and letting everything be just as it is.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcoming the Unwelcome

Acceptance of the present and past, does not mean that you have to accept a future of misery.

If what you think you want is in the cards, it will come to you.

Be patient. Be present. Focus on what you control.

Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your actions. How you treat other people.

You will receive exactly what you can handle and what is mean to to be for you.

Accept it.