Letting Go

This post is a companion to last week’s about wishful thinking.

Once you have gotten over your wishful thinking about how your life should work out in the future.

You have to let go.

Let go of people, places, and things that may be keeping you from being present in this moment and living the life that is right in front of you.

Holding on and wishful thinking are ways of denying reality. We may not want it to be true, but it is.

Are you strong enough to let go?

We are very good at talking ourselves into holding on. That’s wishful thinking.

Letting go can be freeing.

It can clear all the mental clutter that is holding you back.

But change is scary. What if it doesn’t work out?

Guess what you have only so much control over that anyway. Focus on what you can control.

Giving your best effort at making the most of the situation.

Turning this situation into a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.

Wishful Thinking

We all wish our lives had turned a little bit different. There’s always something we regret or wish had gone the other way.

“To be able to accept what is, we have to relinquish our hold on how we wish things to be.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 61

Sometimes we hold on to things because we think that is what we are supposed to do.

We should take this path because that is what is expected of us, even if it makes us miserable.

Or if we hold on to that dream just a little longer, it is bound to come true.

“Holding on is a survival tactic born out of fear and scarcity. Fear is a craving for safety.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 62

Sometimes the best gift we can give to ourselves is to let go of what we hoped would have or hope will happen.

This is the Buddhist idea of hopelessness. Not hoping things turned out differently but being present with how things did turn out.

The way we want things to turn out often doesn’t happen and that dream may be unattainable. We have to let go of what we thought we want, to have the future that’s out there for us.

“Since the amount of stress you experience depends on the intensity of your reaction, the only solution that is within your control is changing yourself.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 65

Let go. Be open to the possibilities that are in front of you. Make the obstacle the way.

“The impediment to the action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5.20

Life is going to happen how it happens. We only have control over our response to what happens.

To think that we can change most outcomes. That truly is wishful thinking.

Healing

Some of the worst scars are in our minds. Often they are self-inflicted.

They are the ones no one sees.

Past mistakes, the pain we have caused others, not living up to what the world expects from us.

We blame ourselves and others for what has happened to us.

“It feels easier to live life blaming other people for any tension you may feel in your mind…” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 63

It doesn’t matter who is to blame. Blame is like picking a scab. Blame will never let the wound heal.

How do we let these wounds heal?

Compassion for yourself and others.

We say things to ourselves we would never say to a friend that was going through the same thing.

We have to show ourselves the same compassion we show our friends.

It’s not easy. We all have a running monologue in our head, and often it is not very kind.

It starts with hopelessness. We have to be open to the present moment as it is not as we hope it would be.

However, we need to have hope it will get better in the future.

We can create hopelessness and hope by focusing on what we control.

“Healing is when you intentionally decrease the tension you carry in your mind.” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 34

Often we need to just pause. Acknowledge whatever thought or emotion we are having. Then let it go.

We have to give ourselves the space for these wounds to heal.

“This too shall pass.” – Persian quote

Whatever is happening is never as bad as we make it out to be in our minds.

It is usually not fatal. You will survive it.