Brian P. Taylor
That is all we have.
Honestly, we only have this moment.
As each moment ends it becomes our past. There is nothing we can do to change it.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan for the future. We should.
We just need to understand that those plans may not turn out how we hoped.
When life throws you a curve, you have to adjust and make the best of the situation.
You do that one moment at a time. One day at a time.
“Everything is opinion.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.26
Most of what goes through our heads each day about our life are opinions, not facts.
What is the evidence that what you are saying to yourself or about your situation is true?
Evidence, not opinions.
Often these opinions are because of a lack of patience.
We are impatient with how our life is going or where we are in life right now.
You can be honest with yourself without being harsh.
You can be compassionate without being delusional.
Focus on the facts, the evidence on hand, right now.
Don’t create a catastrophe where one doesn’t exist.
Our thoughts and opinions are under our control. We don’t have to believe the narrative that goes through our head.
Thoughts can be like boats on the water as you sit on the beach.
Let them sail by. They don’t have to mean anything.
To let them upset you is your choice.
We need to be present in this moment. It is all we have.
No one knows what the next moment has in store for us.
Be open to all the possibilities. Even the ones that you may not have contemplated in the past.
This is my life. Is it the life I thought I would have a year ago? No, but that’s irrelevant. It’s the life I have.
I can be miserable and worry about all the bad things and that will not change my situation.
I can be positive and count my blessings and that will not change my situation.
I can look at the situation as the end. I can blame others. I can be angry.
I can look for the opportunity in the obstacle. I can learn about myself. I can heal.
I can take either path, but only one will make the journey easier.
Sometimes life has to teach us lessons, lessons we refuse to learn on our own.
This is one of those times.
I needed to learn humility. I needed to learn egolessness. I needed to learn what is important.
Family is important. Friends are important. Helping others is important.
Power is not important. A title is not important. What people think is not important.
Life will go on and it’s never too late to start over.
“You can still make something of this life. You can still be grateful for whatever – and how much ever – time you have left…There is no too late.” – Daily Stoic Meditations
I am grateful for life’s lessons. I am grateful for everything that has happened, good and bad. I am grateful for one more day to be better.
I have been a Christian all of my life. I began to study Stoicism 3 years ago. In the last two months I have begun study Buddhism.
Three traditions founded on different ideals but all following similar universal truths.
Hope – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Oxford Languages
Hopelessness – a feeling or state of despair. Oxford Languages
It would seem obvious that no one would want hopelessness and everyone would want hope.
But is it so obvious?
Christians define hope as the belief that God will deliver what he has promised, everlasting life.
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s live has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
As seen in the above Scripture hope is not easy. It is built on suffering and endurance.
Hope is not focused on worldly issues. We must turn over whatever happens to us to God in the hope of everlasting life
Buddhists define hopelessness as wanting nothing other than what is happening in the present moment.
“But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death.” – Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart
Hopelessness is not about despair. It is about being present and not wishing that things turned out differently.
It is about focusing on what is in front of you with an openness to the possibilities.
Stoicism tells us to focus on what we can control.
We control our emotions and our reactions. We don’t control what happens to us.
When looking at these three ideals, I feel the key is to have hope that tomorrow will be better than today. To live with hopelessness that this moment is what your life was meant to be no matter what is happening. To do this, we need to focus on what we can control and not get caught up in what has happened to us.
We all have choices.
Good or bad is our impression of them. Some that we thought were good will turn out bad. Some that we thought were bad will turn out good.
One thing we do not choose is what happens to us.
“No one can implicate me in ugliness…To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2.1
Getting angry at someone who has done something wrong to us is a natural, visceral reaction. Staying angry and becoming bitter is a choice.
“Choose to not be harmed – you won’t be harmed. Don’t feel harmed – you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4.7
Most people are not evil. You have to assume that they are doing what they think is right, even if you don’t.
“People are usually trying to do what they think is best…they just aren’t always thinking about how “what’s best” might affect you.” – Daily Stoic Newsletter email
It doesn’t really matter why they do what they do. You have no control over that.
Your choice comes with how you respond.
No one knows what other people are going through. Therefore we cannot judge their choices.
We need to have compassion for everyone around us, even when they have down wrong by you.
Compassion will let you respond thoughtfully when someone does you wrong.
You may not like their choice, but who’s to say you would have chose differently under the circumstances.
Choose forgiveness. Choose to move forward in a positive direction.
“Everyone gets one life to live. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2.6
Don’t leave your choices up to someone else. Take control of your life and happiness.
Momento Mori – meditate on death
I wrote an earlier blog post on Momento Mori, but I have been contemplating this idea again recently.
Why would anyone want to think about their own death?
Why? Because if you contemplate that you will die that is when you begin to live.
No one can predict the future which means no one knows when they will die.
It could be today. It could be 100 years from now.
There are millions of people, both young and old, that will die today. Some may know it is coming. Most do not.
That means we should live each moment to its greatest potential, not sweating the small stuff.
Each moment is a death, whereas the next moment is a birth.
“Every event of our lives has a beginning, a middle, and an end…Every day is made of countless moments, and each of these precious moments ends and becomes a past lifetime.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome
That means no matter what has just happened, you have a new moment to make it better, fix that mistake, to say you’re sorry.
“You will have the insight that there are continual and endless opportunities to have a fresh start. In each moment, one lifetime ends, and another begins.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome
It may seem hopeless. It may seem that there is no way out.
Just wait for the next minute. You are never know what is around the next corner.
Don’t give up hope.
“See everything as a passing memory.” – Trungpa Rinpoche
Remembering that you will die will help you live.
“Everything has to submit to what happens, but only rational beings are given the power to follow what happens voluntarily.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.28
What is going to happen is going to happen. We have less control over the future than we think.
We can complain about it. We can get angry about it.
Your reaction will not change the outcome.
“The Fates guide the person who accepts them and hinders the person who resists them.” – Cleanthes
We only control our response, so we must accept what has happened and move on.
Use it as a learning experience. Use it as fuel to find something better, to be better.
“Oh, wretched I, to whom this mischance is happened! Nay, happy I, to whom this thing happened, I can continue without grief; neither wounded by that which is present, nor in fear of that which is to come.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4.44
Often the worst-case scenarios that we invent in our head never come true. We rob the joy from today by worrying about things that may never happen tomorrow.
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca.
In the moment, it may feel like the end of the world. Unless it has killed you, then it’s not the end of the world. If it has killed you, then your pain is over.
If it hasn’t killed you, then use it to make you better and stronger.
Don’t quit. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
“How much wiser would it be to accept what we are given and show justice, moderation, and obedience to God, and do this in all simplicity.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.27
You have to be willing to take what you are given, good or bad. Whatever is handed to you, soldier on.
Wanting something other than what the universe has in store for you is a recipe for unhappiness.
Accept your current situation. There is no other option.
Accept that your past is over, and there is nothing you can do to change it.
“We can just try sitting with it all – our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions – and letting everything be just as it is.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcoming the Unwelcome
Acceptance of the present and past, does not mean that you have to accept a future of misery.
If what you think you want is in the cards, it will come to you.
Be patient. Be present. Focus on what you control.
Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your actions. How you treat other people.
You will receive exactly what you can handle and what is mean to to be for you.
Accept it.
Life is a journey, not a destination.
I have been trying meditation and mindfulness lately. I am not very good at it.
My mind moves a million miles an hour. I have a hard time focusing on the present moment.
Guess what that’s ok. Mindfulness is a journey.
I have been working on Stoicism for three years now. I am still not very good at it.
I have a hard time focusing on what I can control. I have a hard time letting go of the past and not catastrophising the future.
Guess what that’s ok. Stoicism is a journey.
Whatever you are trying to accomplish is a journey.
Beating yourself up because you aren’t the best at something. Doesn’t help you get better.
Anne Lamott in her book on writing Bird by Bird describes writing and life like driving a car at night.
“You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.”
You don’t have to have the whole journey figured out.
You have to have a destination in mind but you don’t have to see it. Focus on what is three feet ahead of you, then another three feet.
That’s how you make progress on this journey we call life. A little progress every day.
The path doesn’t have to be perfect. There will be bumps in the road and detours. Just keep moving. You will eventually get to where you want to be.
Enjoy the journey.
“Let us greedily enjoy our friends because we do not know how long this privilege will be ours.” – Seneca
We neglect our friends when things are going well.
It is in the hardest times of our lives when we know who our friends are.
“Our friends, our family, this beautiful sunrise that is coming through the window? Enjoy it. Embrace it. Seize it.” – Daily Stoic
In the good times you need to be present and savor the times you have with them.
“Tomorrow is uncertain, but right now is a privilege – a present – that is yours. Greedily enjoy it.”- Daily Stoic
Unfortunately, good times are fleeting. The good news is that so are the bad times.
Tell your friends every day how much they mean to you. Don’t tell yourself I will do it tomorrow.
Tomorrow may never come. Be present. Enjoy the time you have with them.
“This never ceases to amaze me. We love ourselves above all others and yet value our opinions less than that of others.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.4
I have spent much of my life worrying about what others would think of me rather than just doing the right thing.
This mindset of seeking outside approval has led me down the wrong road on multiple occasions.
I am working on doing the right thing even when it is hard.
Some people will not like that.
That’s ok.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch
Other people’s opinions are fleeting. Some days they will love you. Some days they will hate. Most days they don’t even think about you.
“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes the color of your thoughts. Color it with a run of thoughts like [this]: Anywhere you can lead your life, you can lead a good one.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5.16.i
You have to live with yourself every moment of every day. Your opinion matters more.
Be the best person you can be in each moment. Believe in yourself and color your thoughts with a positive opinion of yourself.
That’s all that matters.
“Anger is a gift.” – Rage Against the Machine, Bombtrack, rage against the machine
As a Stoic you are not supposed to feel anger. That is the biggest misconception about Stoicism, with a big S, compared to stoic, with a little s.
stoic – not affected by or showing passion or feeling – Miriam-Webster definition
Stoic philosophers did not believe that you should not feel emotions. They believed that you should be in control of your emotions at all times.
You can feel anger, love, and sadness. Every emotion you have, at any time.
But then what?
“That it’s not what they do that bothers us: that’s a problem for their minds, not ours. It’s our misperceptions. Discard them. Be willing to give up thinking of this as a catastrophe…and your anger is gone.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.18.vii
You have to domesticate those emotions. You can not let other’s actions rule your response. You have to use your emotions to your advantage.
Use any emotion, especially anger, to get better, to work harder, to learn more about yourself.
Rage is the dangerous emotion. Rage is out of control. Rage will make the situation worse.
Anger can be used to your advantage if you separate it from the situation.
Sometimes people need to know you are angry. It gets their attention, but it must be used in a measured way.
Anger can get your point across. It can drive you to improve.
Anger is a gift.
You never know what someone else is going through.
The angry comment your coworker made to you. The idiot that cut you off in traffic. The rude person in the grocery store.
Maybe they just found out they have cancer. Maybe they are rushing to say goodbye to a dying loved one. Maybe their husband or wife told them they wanted a divorce.
Be kind.
You cannot control what anyone does or says to you.
Be kind.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Let it go and move on.
Be kind.
“Whenever anyone criticizes or wrongs you, remember that they are only doing or saying what they think is right. They cannot be guided by your views, only their own; so if their views are wrong, they are the ones who suffer insofar as they are misguided.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion
Their views are not your concern. You have to be concerned about how you act. Not them.
Let them carry that hate or anger. That is their burden.
That is a burden you do not need.
Be kind.
You never know when you will need someone else’s kindness.
Be kind.
There is someone else you need to be kind to, yourself.
Maybe you were the angry coworker. Maybe you were the idiot who cut someone off in traffic. Maybe you were the rude person at the grocery store.
Be kind to yourself.
Give yourself grace for your mistakes.
Be kind to yourself.
You are not defined by the mistakes in your past.
Be kind to yourself.
We say things in our heads to ourself that we would never say to another person.
Be kind to yourself.
As long as you are drawing breath you have the ability to be better tomorrow.
Be kind to yourself.
The compassion that you give to a loved one, to anyone, who makes a mistake you should give to your self.
Be kind to yourself.
There is always tomorrow.
“Learn to ask of all actions, ‘Why are they doing that?’ Starting with your own.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.37
This is an important question.
Remember that you have no control over what someone else does to you. You only control your response.
Whether what happens to you is good or bad is your opinion.
If you ask why they did it, you may find that they are not so different from you.
It brings humanity to the stupid things that people do.
To ask that question, you need to find the space, the space from your shock, from your anger.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl, A Man’s Search For Meaning
In that space, you can ask why and then make a thoughtful response.
That is the only way to make a bad situation better.
That is the growth and freedom Viktor Frankl is speaking of. Getting angry. Screaming and yelling that’s the easy way out.
Freedom comes from a thoughtful response. Understanding that the person that offended you is no different from you.
When life is easy, we tend to forget that tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone.
We may live for another 50 years or for another 50 seconds.
Bad stuff happens. Car accident, heart attack, random act of violence. No one knows.
That doesn’t mean we should live recklessly. It just means we should savor the present moment.
No regrets is a coward’s motto. We all have regrets. It’s what we do with them that matters.
We have to stop worrying about past mistakes. We would all like to be perfect and not have done dumb shit in our life. That’s an impossibility.
Mistakes will be made. Some of them will be HUGE, life altering. Then what?
“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living.” – Elizabeth Taylor
You may post your best self on social media. But what about the days you can barely get out of bed?
Guess what? No matter how good your life is, we all have bad days.
We should prepare ourselves for what may happen. Premeditatio Malorum. But not worry about what outcome may actually happen.
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality. “ – Seneca
We spend too much time worrying about a future that we are horrible at predicting.
Live in the present moment Because that is all we have.
“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
It does not have to be a great day. It just has to be a day. Just get up and live it.
You don’t have to take the 30,000 foot view. My mom on once said to me during a difficult time get through the next 10 minutes, then the next 10 minutes.
Remember it is a privilege to be above the soil. There are more people than you can imagine who are breathing their last breath at this very moment.
Do not waste a moment that you still have breath.
If you have life be thankful. No matter your situation.
“Nature brings what is good for everyone and everything, and at the precise moment.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Life provides you with what you need if you are willing to accept it. It may look like an obstacle or bad luck, but that may disguise the opportunity.
“You can see what needs to be done. If you can see the road, follow it. Cheerfully without turning back. If not, hold up and get the best advice you can. If anything gets in the way, forge on ahead, making good use of what you have on hand sticking to what seems right.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.12
I have not always followed the right path. I have not always made the best decisions.
We get caught up in the moment. What we think is a good decision at the time doesn’t look so good in the light of the next day.
That’s ok. Today I can find the right path.
We all think the right path is straight. That is not the case.
The right path has twists and turns. It even has switchbacks and places where you have to turn around and start over.
“Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.” – Pocahontoas
Keep pressing on. If the right path were the easy path everyone would take it.
The right path will knock you down. It might even humiliate you.
You must find the courage to keep going. Put your head down, ignore the noise, and do the work.
“You are the only one who knows yourself – which is to say, you know how much you are worth in your own estimation, and therefore at what price you will sell yourself; because people sell themselves at different rates.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:2:11
What is your price?
We all have a price. Depending on circumstances the price may change.
Should we look down on a prostitute?
Would you do the same under the circumstances?
I don’t think anyone could say truthfully without walking in their shoes.
You may not sell your body, but you are willing to sell yourself for jobs, friends, etc.
Are you any better?
“Consider at what price you sell your integrity; but please for God’s sake, don’t sell it cheap.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:2:33
Most people would find selling their body disgusting but they are willing to sell their integrity for nothing.
Which is worse?
“‘But the tyrant will chain…?’ What will he chain? Your leg? ‘He will chop off…?’ What? Your head? What he will never chain or chop off is your integrity.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:18:17
Life will present you with opportunities to sell your integrity. Are you willing to do that for short term gains?
To what end?
Will you be able to look yourself in the mirror every day?
If you have to make certain decisions to survive, who will judge you?
If you can look yourself in the mirror and know you made the best decision you could then what others think about you doesn’t matter.
Focus on what you can control. Other people’s perceptions of what you have done is not something you can control.
If they haven’t walked in your shoes then their opinion doesn’t matter.
But when you are making those decisions don’t sell your integrity cheap.
Do what you have to do but make sure you can look your self in the mirror afterwards.
Discipline is about doing the right thing even if it is hard and unpopular.
“You could be good today. But instead you choose tomorrow.” – Marcus Aurelius
Discipline is about doing the right thing today. Not telling yourself you will do better tomorrow.
Today may be hard but tomorrow will be harder if you don’t do the right thing now.
“Everyone must choose one of the two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” – Unknown
Discipline is about doing the small things every day to improve.
When you have a bad day you pick yourself up and do better tomorrow.
Life is hard don’t make it harder by making the wrong choices today.
Oxford Languages dictionary defines courage as the ability to do something that frightens one and strength in the face of pain or grief.
The Stoics would define courage as living your life virtuously by holding on to your principles no matter what you are facing.
“A setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
We have faced many challenges in education recently. A pandemic, civil unrest, a charged political climate. All have come to our doorstep.
Each one of these has challenged what we do and how we do it.
The one thing that should never change is why we do it. The students.
What we do and how we do it can and should change as new and better ideas come along.
Why we do it that’s where the courage comes along.
We are constantly challenged by outside forces to question why we got into education.
Angry parents, unruly students, unfunded mandates, the list is endless.
We have to have the courage to filter out the noise and focus on what we can control.
We can control showing up every day and giving everything we have for our students.
We can control having the courage to make the right choices for students even when they are hard and unpopular.
“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt
Our students must be more important than our fear.
Do we have the courage to give every student what they need to be successful?
Do we have the courage to take the challenges we have faced and “rise to more exalted heights?”
If we want a better world than we have today, we have to.
Amor Fati means love one’s fate.
Friedrich Nietzsche created the idea.
“That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
When life is going good Amor Fati is easy. All’s good. No reason to regret anything. Loving life.
When life starts throwing challenges at you that’s when Amor Fati becomes difficult.
But if you read Nietzsche’s quote carefully he doesn’t say love your fate when it’s easy. He says “one wants nothing to be different.”
Everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see or comprehend it at the time, but the reason is there.
Bad things will happen. That’s inevitable. Why try to pretend they won’t?
We would all love life to go our way all the time. That’s not reality.
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.” – Epictetus
As much as we try, we do not control what happens to us. We only control our response to what happens.
Why be miserable? It is what it is, and it will be what it will be.
Life is too short not to love that you are alive.
Every day is a gift. Even the bad ones.
Anxiety is fear of the future.
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca
Nine times out of ten what you fear most never comes to fruition.
Yet your brain in the moment just can’t come to that conclusion. The more you try not to think about it the more anxiety you feel.
So how do you overcome anxiety?
Be present. Focus on what you are doing in that moment.
Let this moment push the fear aside.
If and when you get to the moment you fear then you can be present and deal with it.
However most of the time the moment that you fear never comes or isn’t as bad as you imagined.
And you have wasted all of that time worrying about something that never actually happens.
Be present. Life will come as it comes. You can only control your reaction to what happens.
I was listening to Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic podcast from May 25. It began with Ryan talking about everything in life is a phase.
Good, bad, or indifferent. Whatever you are going through will end eventually. Even if it means the end of you.
“Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable then endure it. Stop complaining. If it’s unendurable… then stop complaining. Your will mean it’s end as well. Just remember: you can endure anything your mind can make endurable, by treating it as in your best interest to do so.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book X.3
When you are going through something it may seem unbearable at the time. Then years later you look back, and you made it through and learned something from it.
What if you had that perspective when you were going through it?
Everything that happens to you is endurable. It may not seem like it in the moment. It may be painful but as I said in an earlier blog post: Pain = Growth.
Don’t get caught complaining even to yourself. What you are going through is hard enough. Don’t make it harder by feeling sorry for yourself.
There is always something to learn and something positive to take away from every situation. No matter how hard or painful.
The most painful experiences make us better.
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react that matters.” – Epictetus
Courage – do what’s right especially when it’s hard and unpopular.
Have high expectations for everyone including myself.
Justice – every child should have what they need to succeed. Fair is not equal.
Relationships are key. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Everyone should have a say in their environment.
Stop believing we know what is right about how every child learns. Ask them. Open our minds to new possibilities.
Wisdom – to have the humility to know that I don’t know everything and the confidence to continue to learn.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” – Unknown
Learn with students and from everyone you come into contact with.
It is less about being right. It’s more about learning and considering different views.
“Am I hear to learn something or to prove something?“ – Holstee, Reflections newsletter
We should spend more time asking questions than pretending like we have all the answers.
We all need to rethink our beliefs regularly.
Discipline – to have control over my emotions and actions and to live my life according to these ideals.
“Excellence not perfection” – Adam Grant, Think Again Podcast.
Life is hard. You have to keep grinding every day no matter what.
“The impediment to action advances the action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius
I have been working on myself using stoicism.
Step 1 focusing on what I can control.
I cannot control how anyone treats me. I can only control how I respond. No one can harm me without my permission.
Be present in the moment. The past is over. The future is unknowable.
Learn from the past but do not beat myself up over mistakes. Preparing for but not worrying about how the future will work out.
Taking calculated risks that could pay big dividends in the future, but trying not to predict how that risk will turn out.
We humans are horrible at predictions. Too many variables, to control for them all. Make the best decision you can with the information you have and let it ride.
Having courage to do what’s right. Fighting for justice for all. Practicing temperance. Striving for wisdom.
I have made progress but there is a long way to go. The journey will never end.
“For men in a state of freedom had thatch for their shelter, while slavery dwells beneath marble and gold.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC
We are all chasing more “marble and gold” but in that chase we are less free. The simpler life is freeing.
We are tethered to devices that make us accessible 24/7/365. We can’t spend 5 minutes with our own thoughts without reaching for our phones.
We complicate our own lives. Rather than living simply we chase things that are unnecessary: likes, comments, etc.
The shot of dopamine is too enticing.
“We were born into a world in which things were ready to our hands; it is we who have made everything difficult to come by through our own disdain for what is easily come by.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC
We complicate our own lives. Rather than being happy with what we have, we want more.
More what?
“[T]o want simply what is enough nowadays suggest to people primitiveness and squalor.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC
We need to learn to be happy with what we have, not always searching for what we don’t.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or aspirations. We need to learn to be patient and to be satisfied with what we have now.
You are enough. You don’t need to impress people. You don’t need to have a million followers.
If you are pursuing your best life that is enough. Set goals for your self. Take calculated risks. Some will pan out others won’t.
That’s ok. Life is about trying new things, growing from our mistakes. It’s about being the best version of yourself.
Just as you are, you are enough.
Complaining has become so engrained in our culture it is almost second nature.
The difference between complaining and pointing out problems is your willingness to do something about it.
Many people are unwilling to do the hard work to fix what is broken. It is just easier to complain and hope that someone else will come along and fix it.
“Don’t be overheard complaining … Not even to yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius
But if no one is willing to step up, how will anything change?
It takes courage to be willing to put yourself out there to change something for the better. It is the natural reaction of every human being to resist change.
Change is hard. Change is scary. The status quo is comfortable. But what if the status quo is not working?
In our society it hasn’t just become status quo to complain but to attack anyone willing to step up to fix a problem. We have become close minded to the possibility that we may not have all the answers.
When did it become passé to help a friend, a neighbor, hell, even a stranger. Now we’d rather just complain about THEIR problems behind their back.
How do we turn this ship around?
We need to become more compassionate, more forgiving of the mistakes of others.
Use the energy you use to complain to find a solution. Every problem has a solution. It may not be quick. It may not be easy. But it’s out there if you look for it.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly …and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Having a goal is important, but the execution for attaining that goal is more important. Can you keep your eye on the prize? Can you avoid the distractions of every day life to do the work that will get you your goal?
“Single-mindedness of purpose, total concentration on the goal, and the use of these qualities against people less focused, people in a state of distraction – such an arrow will find its mark every time and overwhelm the enemy.” – Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
It is easier to spread ourselves thin and not focus on what needs to be done to accomplish our goal. We identify goals, plural, that distract us from the hard work needed to accomplish what we really want.
“The fool flits from one person to another, believing that he will survive by spreading himself out. It is a corollary of the law of concentration, however, that much energy is saved, and more power is attained, by affixing yourself to a single, appropriate source of power.” – Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
Can you overcome the disappointment when you’re goal is delayed? It’s never denied unless you give up. Can you suppress your ego to learn why the goal is delayed?
“Persist and resist.” – Epictetus
If you do not you will be stuck where you are not accomplishing what you desire.
Does anyone ever grow when things are going well? I guess we all grow a little every day no matter if there are good times or bad times. It is very easy to become complacent when things are working out well.
When you are a child, you touch something hot, you immediately pull away. You learn very quickly that you don’t want to touch that again. Simplistically that is growth.
No one likes to be in pain. It seems however that our largest growth comes when we are at our lowest, in the most pain. These feelings motivate us to make changes to escape the situation or the feeling.
“A Stoic is someone who transforms fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.” – Nicholas Nassim Taleb
There’s a lot of growth in that quote.
“Fear into prudence” You don’t stop or turn around. You keep going with a little more caution. Always moving forward with a little more knowledge each time.
“It’s ok to be a little afraid. It just means you’re about to learn something.” -Thibaut
“Pain into transformation.” If we are the same person as when we experienced the pain we are likely to experience it again. No one wants to be in pain so we change to not experience that pain again. That’s growth.
“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.” – Haroki Murakami
“Mistakes into initiation” Use an error to begin something new. A mistake will always cause pain, the pain of regret. It also can be a beginning, a beginning of a new way forward.
“I learn from my mistakes. It’s a very painful way to learn, but without pain, the old saying is, there’s no gain.” – Johnny Cash
“Desire into undertaking” Wanting something is wonderful. But wanting something alone won’t get what you want. You have to take the desire and make it happen. A little at a time. One foot in front of the other.
“You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough.” – Abraham Lincoln
Pain can be devastating, or it can be motivating. You can let it crush you, or you can let it strengthen you. Which way forward is your choice.
How often over the last three years have we heard these are unprecedented times? Every day, multiple times a day. Part of the issue is we see ourselves as special. We are the only ones who have gone through times like these.
The Trump-Biden election was unprecedented. It seemed a lot like Bush-Gore, Hayes-Tilden (which is the subject of a wonderful book, To Rescue The Republic by Brett Baier, about Grant’s role in a smooth transition of power after the contested election), and Adams-Jefferson.
COVID-19 is not the first pandemic. There have been pandemics all throughout recorded history: the Spanish Flu of 1918, the Bubonic Plague (or Black Death) in the Middle Ages, the Antonine plague during the reign of Marcus Aurelius.
These facts don’t mean that these events aren’t traumatic. The civil unrest. The loss of life. These past three years have been trying to say the least.
However we are not special. These times are very much precedented. We are just more easily lead to believe we are special by social media and cable news.
We need to realize that by thinking we are special we are letting the situation control us. We are acting as if we are helpless.
We are not. We may not be able to control what happens to us. We can control how we react to what happens to us.
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react that matters.” -Epictetus
By complaining about unprecedented times we are relinquishing control of our response to outside forces we have no control over.
These times are difficult no doubt about it, but if we look back at history there were times just like these that can serve as a template for how we can respond to the difficult things around us. Do not relinquish control to outside forces.
Remember when your ego begins to takeover no matter your station in life or position in the hierarchy you are just a placeholder. Everyone is replaceable. Someone is always ready to fill your shoes.
“Knowing that he was only a placeholder helped Marcus [Aurelius] prevent his position from going to his head.” -Ryan Holiday, Lives of the Stoics, p. 291.
Does that mean we shouldn’t take our positions seriously? No. It means like Marcus Aurelius we shouldn’t let it go to our head.
We should do our job to the best of our ability, not for recognition but because it is our duty. We should be humble. It is humbling to realize, if we leave, someone will be right behind you to fill your role.
When it is time to leave, and there will always be a time to leave, you should leave your position better off than when you arrived.
“I learned from Maximus to do my duties quietly and without complaining, while being dignified and charming” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 1.15.
What happened to leading from the front with humility? Not always looking for recognition. Never complaining about how hard you have it. Dealing with issues without looking for recognition or a pat on the back.
Now it seems every leader has to puff out their chest or announce every minor accomplishment on social media. It’s like the football player that has to celebrate every first down. Act like you’ve been there before.
In the classic Good to Great, Jim Collins discusses a Level 5 leader. A Level 5 leader has the combination of humility and indomitable will. Leaders who do whatever needs to be done to complete the job and don’t look for the credit.
In Think Again, Adam Grant describes confident humility, as “having faith in our capability while appreciating that we may not have the right solution or even addressing the right problem.” Leaders who believe in themselves but look to others for help in solving difficult problems.
Puffing out your chest with every accomplishment may feed your ego but will it inspire people to follow you? Maybe for a while but eventually they will get tired of you taking all the credit.
I am not saying leaders can’t celebrate the accomplishments of their team. The key word there is team. No one in leadership ever accomplished anything alone. Make it about those around you, not you.
If you remember the story, an acorn falls on Chicken Little’s head. She believes the sky is falling. She runs around the farm frantically.
She meets others along the way and convinces them the sky is falling. They must tell the king. Even though many question whether the sky is falling they continue on. Until they follow Chicken Little into being dinner for Mr. Fox.
Nowadays the sky always seems to be falling. It seems to be the default attitude of many. They convince others the sky is falling.
No one questions. People blindly follow, just like the others in the story of Chicken Little. Then when the crisis doesn’t happen. The Chicken Littles find a new crisis to cluck about.
“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters – don’t wish to seem knowledgeable.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion, 13a.
We don’t need to be aware of every “crisis.” Some things are best ignored. Not everything is a crisis.
Some “crises” are not worth our time. If it is something that you are passionate about then learn about it deeply. Don’t blindly follow the social media influencer or cable news show that wants your attention by saying something shocking.
Go to the source. Read deeply about it. On the issue listen and/or read people who you disagree with. You may still not agree with them but you may learn something new.
You may find out the “crisis” you were so concerned about is no crisis at all. It is easy just to listen to sound bites or Tweets or Facebook posts and not really delve into the facts.
It is hard to dig into an issue completely. The alternative is much worse. Blindly following someone who “clucks” the loudest may mean you end up as someone else’s dinner.
Social media can be like a blood sport. Survival of the fittest. One person attacking another. With hundreds, thousands, millions looking on.
People saying things to each other that they would never say in person. And the onlookers egg them on or respond in kind. Each follower giving the proverbial thumbs up or thumbs down to express their opinion.
“Let our aim be a way of life not diametrically poised to, but better than the mob” – Seneca, Letter V, Letters from a Stoic.
Why has it become OK to do something on social media to hurt another human being just to appeal to the mob? Aren’t we better than the mob that watched the games at the Colosseum? Where has our civility gone? As I discussed in an earlier post where is civil discourse?
Social media has become an echo chamber where people find others who believe what they believe. When you only listen to those on your side you don’t learn anything new. Everyone should actively seek out those you disagree with. That’s when you learn something new.
If used differently social media can open your eyes to a whole, new world. While it may be entertaining to follow people who disparage others, the entertainment value is fleeting. While it may feel good to only follow those people who share your views, how will you ever challenge your own thinking? It is better to follow people who can teach you something.
“[R]efrain from following the example of those whose craving is for attention, not their own improvement, by doing certain things which are calculated to give rise to comment on your appearance or way of living generally.” – Seneca, Letter V, Letters from a Stoic.
Social media has brought a world of learning to your fingertips. You can learn anything from anyone. But to do so you have to be purposeful. You can’t just mindlessly scroll through your timeline. You have to actively search for individuals who challenge your worldview, those who open you up to new ideas.
Be judicious in who you follow. If someone is going to get followers at others expense than are they worthy of your time?
Priority – a thing that is regarded as more important than another.
Can you have priorities? No. One thing will always be more important than another. You have to identify a priority. Priorities are an impossibility.
As we move into the New Year people all over the world are making resolutions, setting goals or identifying priorities But with priorities you are stretched too thin. What is most important to you?
In Greg McKeown’s essentialism 21 day challenge he asks that you ask yourself each day: “What is the most important thing I need to do today?” He wants you to identify what is your priority for the day. Shouldn’t we ask that same question for the week? The month? The year?
We should identify one priority, at work, at home, to work on. Keep working on that one priority until you have accomplished it.
My priority personally is to publish a blog once a week. If I want to be a writer, I need to write every day with the priority of publishing it for the world to read.
My priority professionally is to continue to study Stoicism and how it can help educational leaders deal with the hard times we are all going through right now. Many of my blog posts will be about this subject.
The hard part will be staying focused with the myriad distractions that come with every day life. Having a priority doesn’t mean that you can’t work on other things. It just means that the priority must take precedence.
I will keep you posted on how each priority is going.
“Don’t set your heart on so many things.” – Epictetus
I have been told no, more than I have been told yes. Job interview after job interview. “No. I am sorry. We have someone else in mind.” Discouraging doesn’t even scratch the surface at times.
It is hard to not to think that it’s me. I wasn’t good enough for that job or this job. For some jobs, maybe I wasn’t good enough. It can be demoralizing. Doubts. Second guessing the interviews. What could I have done better? The answer most of the time is nothing.
But look at where I am. I would not be where I am if I hadn’t dusted myself off every time I was told no and kept interviewing. Failure?
“The only failure is not to try.” – George Clooney
“The same thing holds true for a positive outlook, however. Color your mind with the right thoughts, color them with what’s possible, and then whatever you’re trying to do—whether it’s trying to start a company or salvage a relationship or lose twenty pounds or quit drinking or make partner at your law firm—you’ll be able to manage it.” Daily Stoic newsletter, April 26, 2021
I believe I am ready for the next step in my career. It is my job then to keep a positive outlook and to color my mind with what’s possible. Will I continue to be told no? 100%. I will not allow those voices to then become my internal voice.
I will continue to be me. I will continue to let others know what I believe, not what I think they want to hear. One day the right opportunity will come along, and I will be ready.
I’m no raving lunatic. Don’t get me wrong. Especially in a professional setting I can hold it together. At some point though I can feel IT overtaking me. Once that happens I find it difficult to dial it back.
I don’t know when IT is going to happen. IT just happens. I wouldn’t say there is some special trigger. It can be anything. It can be an innocent comment that just hits me the wrong way.
Unfortunately at that moment I am prone to saying things that I regret. Then, after it’s all over, the guilt washes over me.
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.” – Epictetus
How do I do better in the moment between stimulus and response? How do I stop anger from taking over me? Or how do I get better at controlling my anger and using it to my advantage?
Anger is an emotion like any other emotion. It is neither good nor bad. It can be unhealthy. It can also be unhealthy to hold it back and not express it. Anger has its place just like every other emotion.
“If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.” – Epictetus
On The Daily Stoic podcast, Ryan Holliday interviewed the author Robert Greene. One of the topics they discussed was harnessing your anger.
Ryan Holliday used the example of coaches who get angry to invigorate their team through a difficult time in a game or season. As a former coach I have seen this done very well, and I have seen it done very poorly.
Robert Greene discussed how whether it goes well or poorly depends on if the coach has self-control and self-awareness. Can they step back and analyze their anger? Can they use it strategically to get the results they are after?
He goes on to say that only those people, that can pause in the moment between stimulus and response to analyze their emotions, are able to get the results they want. Only those that can channel their anger productively after analyzing why they’re angry will get the results they are after.
I am by no means there yet. However this is one of the things that I am really working on. I am sure if you ask my family, friends, and colleagues they may say it is not going so well, but I am a work in progress.
I must be more cognizant of the space between stimulus and response. Not everything needs an immediate reaction. I need to take the time to analyze my anger to see if it is justified and then if it is use it productively.
That is a line from Ryan Holiday’s book The Obstacle is the Way. How often has that been said throughout history? This statement is heard daily during 2020, but does that mean that “the end of the world as they knew it” is a bad thing?
There are many things in education that can and need to be changed. Fortunately pandemic teaching has brought many of these issues to the forefront. The question is do we have the courage to change them.
Change is never popular and is always difficult. It is especially difficult in “easy” times, times when things are humming along. These times lead us to the mantra “but that’s the way we’ve always done it.”
I don’t think any of us would label the times we are living in as easy. Hopefully educators at all levels have taken, are taking, and will take the time to reflect on what positive changes we can take out of pandemic teaching.
It could be meeting more students where they are rather than where we would like them to be. It could be moving towards standards based grading. It could be empowering students to have more control over what they learn and we teach.
Nothing will ever be the same, but that is just life in general. The changes brought on by the pandemic have been more abrupt than say some in the past, but the world is constantly evolving. We need to take this opportunity to create positive change.
Will we take “the end of the world as they knew it” and make the world better than it was before?
“If You Always Do What You’ve Always Done, You Always Get What You’ve Always Gotten.” – Jessie Potter taken from Robert Glazer’s Friday Forward email newsletter 12/18/2020
“You don’t have to get ready for the 2020-21 school year this weekend- just Monday. Make mistakes, learn a lot, regroup- then, Tuesday.” – Mark Savage, @MSavageWCPSS, Twitter
This quote rings just as true now as it did in August and September. The world of educating children in a COVID world changes on a dime. Who is quarantined? How do teachers teach or students learn from home when everyone else is in school? How can we make the best decision for the health and safety of students and staff on limited information? However we don’t have to have all the answers on Monday.
“A good person is invincible, for they don’t rush into contests in which they aren’t the strongest . . . For the only contest the good person enters is that of their own reasoned choice. How can such a person not be invincible?” – Epictetus, Discourses, 3.6 5-7
We have to take the facts that we have and make the best decision for the most people. These decisions may not be the easiest decisions or the most popular decisions, but must be the most reasoned decisions. We must make the best decision for the most people. Reasoned choice.
We cannot control outside events. We can only control our reaction to what is put in our way. We can only control our decisions on how to deal with the obstacles thrown at us. Reasoned choice.
I think we can all agree. Kids need to be in school for social, emotional, and academic reasons. We are proving that with reasoned choice in the protocols we put in place in person school can be done safely even during a pandemic. We can do this not by being blown about by every negative news story, Tweet, or Facebook post. But by looking at what is actually going on in our schools and adjusting what we do if need be to keep student and staff healthy and safe.
Reasoned choice.
All three of the ideas I have spoken about in my last three blog posts, passion, inquiry, and understanding, have brought me to this final idea of empowerment. Wouldn’t now be the right time to empower teachers and students to remake education into what it could and should be?
You might say: Now? The right time? With all the uncertainty? Well there never is a right time. We always wait until the right time, but it never comes. We push things off because it’s not the right time, and then guess what nothing ever happens. But isn’t now as good a time as any?
Uncertainty is the rule, not the exception. It’s how we respond to the uncertainty that matters. That is a major tenet of Stoicism. We need to make teachers and students feel safe in taking risks in adjusting their teaching and learning in response to this uncertainty.
Whether we are in schools or in remote learning, the only people who really know what is going on in any classroom are the teacher and the students. Shouldn’t we empower them to make the decisions that are best for them?
We must allow them to use their passions to make classrooms and learning relevant. Empower them to look at curriculum through their lens and make adjustments that personalize the learning to them.
“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion.” – Simon Sinek via The Innovator’s Mindset by George Couros
We also must encourage our teachers and students to question everything. Powerful questions are what drives innovation in any industry. Teachers and students should be asking questions that further their own teaching and learning. They are at the ground level of what can be done to make our classrooms, either virtual or in person, better.
“You don’t have to hold a position of authority to ask a powerful question.” – Polly Le Barre via A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger
If teachers and students are encouraged to us their passions and ask their own questions, they will develop a deeper understanding of whatever they are studying. They can use that understanding to push education forward toward what we envision: equity in opportunities for all children. They will also be happier in the process. What will you do this year to empower teachers and students to make education better?
“I encourage you to commit to empowering the people you serve to be part of the process of finding and solving problems.” – George Couros, The Innovator’s Mindset
Educational Stoic 