Beginnings

Why wait until the New Year?

Most people need an ending to have a beginning.

The end of the year is convenient.

But what about the end of the month, the week, or a day?

You don’t have to wait until the New Year to make a change.

Every minute is an ending and a beginning.

You can take this moment to do better, to be better.

Do the next right thing.

Times will be good. Times will be bad.

Life has a way of hitting you hard. It also has a way of turning around quickly.

“Happiness, of course, depends less upon our circumstances than upon our thoughts.” – 365 Promises and Prayers for Dealing with Anxiety and Fear

You have to love all of it. Amor Fati.

There is no other choice.

Enjoy this moment. Each one is a new beginning.

The Problem

All my life, I have thought that other people, things, issues, etc., were the problem.

I now realize I am the problem.

Now, that doesn’t mean that people, things, issues, etc. don’t cause issues in my life.

Even if these issues are not my fault, they are my problem.

You have no control over what happens to you.

Where you can become the problem is how you react to what happens to you.

It’s easier to blame others.

However, since we have no control over others it is impossible to fix that problem.

We do have control over what we do next.

This idea that you are the problem can be both terrifying and liberating.

If you’re the problem, you can’t blame others for the issues in your life.

If you’re the problem, then you are also the solution.

It’s the idea of taking ownership of your life that’s hard.

Are we going to make it better or worse?

I have a choice today.

I can accept what is and is not in my control and be grateful, or I can curse the world.

Either way, what is going on around me won’t change.

It is not easy.

The idea that we can make any situation better by the choices we make is freeing.

Choose wisely.

Overwhelmed

When we seek perfection in everything we do, we often feel overwhelmed.

You can’t ever be perfect so seeking it leaves you feeling inadequate.

This inadequacy can make you feel overwhelmed because no matter what you do it is never enough.

Take a step back and breathe into the moment. Then, do the next logical thing.

Many times we feel overwhelmed because we overschedule or overcommit.

The most precious commodity that we all have is time. We have to protect it.

That often means we need to say no. That is hard for many of us.

We don’t want to disappoint people. We want to be seen as helpful.

We will certainly disappoint people if we overcommit and underdeliver, and we can’t be helpful if we are overwhelmed.

I have learned that we do not control every thought that pops into our heads. But we do control our reaction to them.

We do not have to respond to them. We can let them pass like boats on the water.

If you respond to every negative thought you have, you will be overwhelmed.

When those thoughts come let them go and then remember why you are blessed.

Remembering your blessings rather than your problems will alleviate the overwhelm.

It is an impossibility not to be overwhelmed at times.

However, if you give yourself some grace, protect your time, let your negative thoughts go, and focus on the good things in your life, you will have more peace.

Flawed

I am flawed.

I struggle with perfectionism.

Perfection is an impossibility.

I saw a sign outside a school that said something to the effect of chase perfection and catch excellence.

This is the wrong message to send to students.

Chasing perfection is a fool’s errand. You will always be disappointed.

Chasing excellence is reasonable.

Chasing improvement every day is attainable.

Perfectionism causes you to take the safe path.

If you have to be perfect, you will not be willing to try and fail, which is the only way you learn or create something new.

I have spent my whole life worrying about what others think of me.

It has often led me to make poor choices to fit in.

“The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.” — Warren Buffett, Sunday Thinking, The Daily Coach newsletter

Your opinion of yourself is what matters most.

Most of the time, others are not thinking of you. They are too busy thinking of themselves.

Go out there. Try and fail.

Learn something from your failure that will improve your life.

Worry about what you think of yourself not what others think about you.

Control

What is control?

Oxford Languages defines it as “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.”

You do not control other people or outside events.

You don’t even control your emotions.

Often your emotions are visceral reactions to what is going on around you.

“There’s no such thing as a good or bad emotion – only good or bad reactions to an emotion.” – Mark Manson, Your Next Breakthrough newsletter

What you do next, your action and reaction is where the control comes in.

It is easy to blame someone else for your actions or reactions to something that has happened.

Others do not control you unless you let them.

Often, we feel like we are in control, but we are allowing something or someone to control us.

We are always complicit in this control.

No is a powerful word.

Often we say yes because we don’t want to hurt the other person or it’s just easy.

But saying yes to one thing means we are saying no to something else.

Control is making a rational decision about what is best for you at the moment.

That is the only control we have.

Irritating or Irritable

Small, annoying stuff happens to us each and every day.

Is what happened irritating or are you irritable?

Whether it bothers you is the choice you make in interpreting what has happened.

However hard it may be the choice to be upset about what is going on is still yours.

Choose to not let it bother you and it won’t.

Now that is easier said than done.

Especially on one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong.

It may take a Herculean effort to not lose it.

“Think…how soon you and your vexations will be laid in the grave.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

There is always a space between stimulus and response.

Sometimes that space may be brief but it’s there.

Breathe. Be present. Find calm.

Not everything needs an immediate response. Something’s don’t need a response at all.

If you react on emotion you will make a bad situation worse.

“Our rage and lamentations do us more harm than whatever caused our anger and grief in the first place.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Let your emotions subside then you can give a thoughtful, measured response.

Preparing to Live

“A most dangerous temptation is the temptation to prepare to live, instead of living. The future does not belong to you. Therefore, remember to live the best way you know now.” – Leo Tolstoy, A Calendar of Wisdom

We all have fallen into the trap of preparing to live.

When we get the new job, we will have it made.

When we get more money, we will take that trip.

When we retire, we will have time to spend with our families.

We all forget that the future is promised to no one.

We need to live each day to its fullest.

Now that doesn’t mean we should be reckless with our time, our money, or our life.

It means we should be intentional with what we do with them.

“Everyone hurries his life on and suffers from a yearning for the future and a weariness of the present. But he who bestows all of his time on his own needs, who plans out every day as if it were his last, neither longs for nor fears the morrow.” – Seneca

Don’t put off to tomorrow, something you need to do today.

Tomorrow may never come.

Don’t prepare to live, live every day.

Preaching

For those of us who have found the benefits of philosophy, whether it be Stoic, Christian, Buddhist, or some other tradition, we want to preach about those benefits to those around us.

We want to show people the error of their ways by showing them that we know a better way.

That strategy will fail.

When you preach and tell people where they are wrong, they shut down and stop listening.

They think you are self-righteous.

They get defensive and think you don’t understand their situation.

And you know what they’re right.

Even if it is your spouse, child, sibling, or best friend, as much as we can empathize with someone and their situation, we don’t honestly know what they are going through.

The philosophy that you found groundbreaking and helpful may fall flat for someone else.

The best thing you can do for someone else is be supportive in their journey and live by example.

The best way to show someone the benefits of your philosophy is to live it every day.

To be a positive example of what that philosophy has done in your life.

Empty words will help no one, but positive actions will.

Family

Nothing is more important than family.

They will be there in the good times and the bad.

By family, I don’t necessarily mean blood relations.

For many people, family is friends and colleagues.

I am very lucky that I have both.

My family has been there to celebrate with me during the good times and hold me up during the bad.

Whoever you call family, don’t forget to let them know how you feel about them.

One day you won’t have that opportunity again.

Good and Bad

This week, good and bad things are guaranteed to happen.

How will you deal with them?

Whatever happens, it will change sooner or later.

The key is not to get too high with the good things or too low with the bad.

Take them both in stride.

Often the good things seem to only last minutes and the bad seem to last forever.

Try to keep an even keel.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

“Persist and resist” – Epictetus

The key is persistence and perseverance.

Don’t let the good times blind you to the ills that may befall you.

Don’t let the bad times blind you to all the wonderful things you have in life.

Keep going. The path will change eventually.

Either way, you can make it through.

A New Journey

A new journey begins with one step.

You can be on this journey because you want change or change can be thrust upon you.

Either way you have to take that first step.

Then the next and the next.

One foot in front of the other. One moment at a time.

The road will not be straight or smooth.

You will meet obstacles.

You may go over them or through them or around them.

These obstacles may force you on a new journey.

Whatever you do keep going.

Not only keep going but do it with joy. Life is too short to be miserable.

Wait long enough, good or bad, the situation will change.

Faith

Faith is knowing that you will get to your destination even if you don’t know how you will get there.

Faith is believing in yourself even when no one else does.

Faith is fighting every day even when it is dark and scary.

It is not easy.

You will want to give up.

You may have a hard time getting out of bed.

All you can do is take it one moment at a time.

Put one foot in front of the other.

And keep going.

Drawing

When I was a kid I loved to draw and paint. I took art lessons for several years.

I’m no Picasso, but I enjoyed it.

I eventually stopped. I guess I got involved in other things that in my mind became more important.

Recently my parents sent me a sketchbook and a drawing kit.

When I sat down to draw I fell in love all over again.

When I draw, I lose myself in it. Whatever may be troubling me fades into the background, and my mind becomes more peaceful.

The same thing happens when I write.

All my troubles fade from my consciousness.

It is about being present. It easier to be present when you are doing something you love.

We all must learn to be present in everything we do.

Drawing and writing are my training grounds for presence.

I’m no expert in presence. I can find a million reasons not to draw and write or to be distracted from the task at hand.

I’m getting better. I’m a work in progress.

I would recommend you find something you can lose yourself in to train your mind to be present.

Your whole life will benefit.

Moving Forward

Moving forward requires a solid taste of reality.

You will never move forward if you still think that what is gone will come back.

You have to let go of the past.

“When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be.” – The Daily Coach, Notes from an Elder newsletter

You have to be present.

You have to set new goals for the future.

You have to put one foot in front of the other and make the life that you want.

You can’t listen to the naysayers and those that don’t want you to succeed.

You have to listen to that little voice inside you that says to keep going. You have to believe.

You have to remember you are 100% getting through bad days.

It may not be the life you thought you would have but it can be the life that you never imagined.

It will not be easy. It may be scary. But it can be possible if you really believe.

Put your head down and get to work.

Happy Father’s Day

Being a father is the most important job I have.

It is not always the easy.

It is hard to lead by example.

The thing you have to remember is that you don’t have to be perfect.

Your children learn just as much from your mistakes as they do from your victories.

From your mistakes, they need to learn to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and keep trying.

From your victories they need to learn how to win with humility and not let it go to their heads.

Whether they learn either lesson is up to you and how you handle yourself.

My favorite title in the world is Dad. Love you, Anna and Brendon.

Letting Go

This post is a companion to last week’s about wishful thinking.

Once you have gotten over your wishful thinking about how your life should work out in the future.

You have to let go.

Let go of people, places, and things that may be keeping you from being present in this moment and living the life that is right in front of you.

Holding on and wishful thinking are ways of denying reality. We may not want it to be true, but it is.

Are you strong enough to let go?

We are very good at talking ourselves into holding on. That’s wishful thinking.

Letting go can be freeing.

It can clear all the mental clutter that is holding you back.

But change is scary. What if it doesn’t work out?

Guess what you have only so much control over that anyway. Focus on what you can control.

Giving your best effort at making the most of the situation.

Turning this situation into a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.

Wishful Thinking

We all wish our lives had turned a little bit different. There’s always something we regret or wish had gone the other way.

“To be able to accept what is, we have to relinquish our hold on how we wish things to be.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 61

Sometimes we hold on to things because we think that is what we are supposed to do.

We should take this path because that is what is expected of us, even if it makes us miserable.

Or if we hold on to that dream just a little longer, it is bound to come true.

“Holding on is a survival tactic born out of fear and scarcity. Fear is a craving for safety.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 62

Sometimes the best gift we can give to ourselves is to let go of what we hoped would have or hope will happen.

This is the Buddhist idea of hopelessness. Not hoping things turned out differently but being present with how things did turn out.

The way we want things to turn out often doesn’t happen and that dream may be unattainable. We have to let go of what we thought we want, to have the future that’s out there for us.

“Since the amount of stress you experience depends on the intensity of your reaction, the only solution that is within your control is changing yourself.” – yung pueblo, lighter, p. 65

Let go. Be open to the possibilities that are in front of you. Make the obstacle the way.

“The impediment to the action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5.20

Life is going to happen how it happens. We only have control over our response to what happens.

To think that we can change most outcomes. That truly is wishful thinking.

One Day At A Time

That is all we have.

Honestly, we only have this moment.

As each moment ends it becomes our past. There is nothing we can do to change it.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan for the future. We should.

We just need to understand that those plans may not turn out how we hoped.

When life throws you a curve, you have to adjust and make the best of the situation.

You do that one moment at a time. One day at a time.

Your Opinion

“Everything is opinion.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.26

Most of what goes through our heads each day about our life are opinions, not facts.

What is the evidence that what you are saying to yourself or about your situation is true?

Evidence, not opinions.

Often these opinions are because of a lack of patience.

We are impatient with how our life is going or where we are in life right now.

You can be honest with yourself without being harsh.

You can be compassionate without being delusional.

Focus on the facts, the evidence on hand, right now.

Don’t create a catastrophe where one doesn’t exist.

Our thoughts and opinions are under our control. We don’t have to believe the narrative that goes through our head.

Thoughts can be like boats on the water as you sit on the beach.

Let them sail by. They don’t have to mean anything.

To let them upset you is your choice.

We need to be present in this moment. It is all we have.

No one knows what the next moment has in store for us.

Be open to all the possibilities. Even the ones that you may not have contemplated in the past.

My Life

This is my life. Is it the life I thought I would have a year ago? No, but that’s irrelevant. It’s the life I have.

I can be miserable and worry about all the bad things and that will not change my situation.

I can be positive and count my blessings and that will not change my situation.

I can look at the situation as the end. I can blame others. I can be angry.

I can look for the opportunity in the obstacle. I can learn about myself. I can heal.

I can take either path, but only one will make the journey easier.

Sometimes life has to teach us lessons, lessons we refuse to learn on our own.

This is one of those times.

I needed to learn humility. I needed to learn egolessness. I needed to learn what is important.

Family is important. Friends are important. Helping others is important.

Power is not important. A title is not important. What people think is not important.

Life will go on and it’s never too late to start over.

“You can still make something of this life. You can still be grateful for whatever – and how much ever – time you have left…There is no too late.” – Daily Stoic Meditations

I am grateful for life’s lessons. I am grateful for everything that has happened, good and bad. I am grateful for one more day to be better.

Healing

Some of the worst scars are in our minds. Often they are self-inflicted.

They are the ones no one sees.

Past mistakes, the pain we have caused others, not living up to what the world expects from us.

We blame ourselves and others for what has happened to us.

“It feels easier to live life blaming other people for any tension you may feel in your mind…” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 63

It doesn’t matter who is to blame. Blame is like picking a scab. Blame will never let the wound heal.

How do we let these wounds heal?

Compassion for yourself and others.

We say things to ourselves we would never say to a friend that was going through the same thing.

We have to show ourselves the same compassion we show our friends.

It’s not easy. We all have a running monologue in our head, and often it is not very kind.

It starts with hopelessness. We have to be open to the present moment as it is not as we hope it would be.

However, we need to have hope it will get better in the future.

We can create hopelessness and hope by focusing on what we control.

“Healing is when you intentionally decrease the tension you carry in your mind.” – Yung Pueblo, Lighter, p. 34

Often we need to just pause. Acknowledge whatever thought or emotion we are having. Then let it go.

We have to give ourselves the space for these wounds to heal.

“This too shall pass.” – Persian quote

Whatever is happening is never as bad as we make it out to be in our minds.

It is usually not fatal. You will survive it.

Hope v. Hopelessness

I have been a Christian all of my life. I began to study Stoicism 3 years ago. In the last two months I have begun study Buddhism.

Three traditions founded on different ideals but all following similar universal truths.

Hope – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Oxford Languages

Hopelessness – a feeling or state of despair. Oxford Languages

It would seem obvious that no one would want hopelessness and everyone would want hope.

But is it so obvious?

Christians define hope as the belief that God will deliver what he has promised, everlasting life.

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s live has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

As seen in the above Scripture hope is not easy. It is built on suffering and endurance.

Hope is not focused on worldly issues. We must turn over whatever happens to us to God in the hope of everlasting life

Buddhists define hopelessness as wanting nothing other than what is happening in the present moment.

“But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death.” – Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart

Hopelessness is not about despair. It is about being present and not wishing that things turned out differently.

It is about focusing on what is in front of you with an openness to the possibilities.

Stoicism tells us to focus on what we can control.

We control our emotions and our reactions. We don’t control what happens to us.

When looking at these three ideals, I feel the key is to have hope that tomorrow will be better than today. To live with hopelessness that this moment is what your life was meant to be no matter what is happening. To do this, we need to focus on what we can control and not get caught up in what has happened to us.

Dying A Little Every Moment

Momento Mori – meditate on death

I wrote an earlier blog post on Momento Mori, but I have been contemplating this idea again recently.

Why would anyone want to think about their own death?

Why? Because if you contemplate that you will die that is when you begin to live.

No one can predict the future which means no one knows when they will die.

It could be today. It could be 100 years from now.

There are millions of people, both young and old, that will die today. Some may know it is coming. Most do not.

That means we should live each moment to its greatest potential, not sweating the small stuff.

Each moment is a death, whereas the next moment is a birth.

“Every event of our lives has a beginning, a middle, and an end…Every day is made of countless moments, and each of these precious moments ends and becomes a past lifetime.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome

That means no matter what has just happened, you have a new moment to make it better, fix that mistake, to say you’re sorry.

“You will have the insight that there are continual and endless opportunities to have a fresh start. In each moment, one lifetime ends, and another begins.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcome the Unwelcome

It may seem hopeless. It may seem that there is no way out.

Just wait for the next minute. You are never know what is around the next corner.

Don’t give up hope.

“See everything as a passing memory.” – Trungpa Rinpoche

Remembering that you will die will help you live.

Follow Nature’s Course

“Everything has to submit to what happens, but only rational beings are given the power to follow what happens voluntarily.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.28

What is going to happen is going to happen. We have less control over the future than we think.

We can complain about it. We can get angry about it.

Your reaction will not change the outcome.

“The Fates guide the person who accepts them and hinders the person who resists them.” – Cleanthes

We only control our response, so we must accept what has happened and move on.

Use it as a learning experience. Use it as fuel to find something better, to be better.

“Oh, wretched I, to whom this mischance is happened! Nay, happy I, to whom this thing happened, I can continue without grief; neither wounded by that which is present, nor in fear of that which is to come.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 4.44

Often the worst-case scenarios that we invent in our head never come true. We rob the joy from today by worrying about things that may never happen tomorrow.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca.

In the moment, it may feel like the end of the world. Unless it has killed you, then it’s not the end of the world. If it has killed you, then your pain is over.

If it hasn’t killed you, then use it to make you better and stronger.

Don’t quit. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

Deep Work for Educational Leaders

Our attention is fragmented. There are a million things that are trying to grab our attention. We all have attention deficits at the moment.

When our minds are fragmented, when everything looks important, then nothing is important.

Deep Work by Cal Newport provides some insights into how to get our most important work done.

Cal’s webpage describes him as “an MIT-trained computer science professor at Georgetown University who also writes about the intersections of technology, work, and the quest to find depth in an increasingly distracted world.”

“To succeed you have to produce the absolute best stuff you’re capable of producing – a task that requires depth.” p. 13

No one can tell you what your important work is. It depends on your job, your building, and your district. However, every educational leader has important work that they know needs to get done.

“Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love – is the sum of what you focus on.” p. 77

As educational leaders our attention is always being diverted from this important work. Phone calls, text messages, emails, visitors, etc. are a constant distraction every day. How do we find the time and peace to focus on what is really important?

“Clarity about what matters provides clarity about what does not” p. 62

We all need to do some soul searching to identify what matters most. When you know what matters, you will also know what doesn’t matter; then, you will know what your most important work is.

How do we find the time to do high quality work?

“Decide in advance what you’re going to do with every minute of your workday.” p. 227

Timebox your calendar. Schedule everything. Schedule certain tasks at the same time every day. It doesn’t matter what the task is or when you schedule it, but make it a routine part of your day.

“The key to developing a deep work habit is to move beyond good intentions and add routines and rituals to your working life designed to minimize the amount of your limited willpower necessary to transition into and maintain a state of unbroken concentration.” p. 100

Find a specific time each day to respond to email and phone calls. Block out times on your calendar when you are unavailable. Make sure that everyone who works closely with you knows that this time is sacred, and you should only be interrupted if there is a true emergency.

When you know when you are less likely to be interrupted is an excellent time to schedule the deep, meaningful work. What is scheduled is what is important and what gets done.

“To master the art of deep work, therefore, you must take back control of your time and attention from the many diversions that attempt to steal them.” p. 182

We are all like Pavlov’s dog, but rather than a bell, we respond to every ding from our devices. Our brains are not meant to multitask.

“A study by the University of California, Irvine found that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to get yourself back on track after being interrupted. This means that even if you’re lucky enough to get distracted only a few times a day, you lose an hour of work!” – How to Get Back on Track When You Get Distracted at Work

“When you notice your attention slipping away from the problem at hand, gently remind yourself that you can return to that thought later, then redirect your attention back.” p.172

Keep a notebook, a Google or Word Doc, a Note in your phone open to jot down those invading thoughts.

“Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them.” – David Allen, Getting Things Done

“To work deeply is a big deal and should not be an activity undertaken lightly” p. 121

It is ok to be unavailable at times. It is ok to only respond to emails and phone calls at specific times of the day. It is ok to silence the notifications on your phone or put it on do not disturb. It is ok to shut the door for a specific amount of time to concentrate on what matters.

We have to learn to say no. Not every “crisis” needs our immediate attention or our attention at all. Someone else’s emergency is not necessarily ours.

You don’t have to be superhuman to get the important work done. You have to be willing to make it a priority.

“Priority – the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important; a thing that is regarded as more important than another.” – Oxford Languages

Priorities are impossible by definition. In education everything seems to be a priority. Again if everything is a priority then nothing is a priority.

So what is your priority as an educational leader? Are you willing to commit to the deep work to make it possible?

Acceptance

“How much wiser would it be to accept what we are given and show justice, moderation, and obedience to God, and do this in all simplicity.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.27

You have to be willing to take what you are given, good or bad. Whatever is handed to you, soldier on.

Wanting something other than what the universe has in store for you is a recipe for unhappiness.

Accept your current situation. There is no other option.

Accept that your past is over, and there is nothing you can do to change it.

“We can just try sitting with it all – our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions – and letting everything be just as it is.” – Pema Chödrön, Welcoming the Unwelcome

Acceptance of the present and past, does not mean that you have to accept a future of misery.

If what you think you want is in the cards, it will come to you.

Be patient. Be present. Focus on what you control.

Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your actions. How you treat other people.

You will receive exactly what you can handle and what is mean to to be for you.

Accept it.

Self-Pity

Self-pity is a deep, dark hole.

Something terrible has happened, and now we feel sorry for ourselves.

We think that we are the only one that this has happened to and everyone is talking about us.

Both of those thoughts are wrong.

Whatever has happened to you has happened to hundreds, thousands, if not millions of other people. It is definitely happening to someone else right now.

“That everything that happens is natural…That whatever happens has always happened, and always will.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.26

The number of people talking about you and your troubles are right around zero. How do I know?

Because you feel like your the center of attention and all eyes are on you, so does everyone else. They are too worried about themselves to worry about you.

Self-pity will make the problem worse. The more time you spend feeling sorry for yourself is less time you are spending on finding a solution.

Find some compassion for yourself and what you are going through. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend who is going through the same thing.

Don’t focus on why it happened. That never matters because you can’t change the past.

Don’t catastrophize the future. Whatever the outcome, it will never be as bad as you make it out to be.

Focus on how to respond to what is happening.

Don’t let your negative thoughts get in the way of finding a solution.

Don’t let your ego get in the way of looking at all the solutions, even ones you may not have considered before.

One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.

Keep going. Better days are ahead.

The Journey

Life is a journey, not a destination.

I have been trying meditation and mindfulness lately. I am not very good at it.

My mind moves a million miles an hour. I have a hard time focusing on the present moment.

Guess what that’s ok. Mindfulness is a journey.

I have been working on Stoicism for three years now. I am still not very good at it.

I have a hard time focusing on what I can control. I have a hard time letting go of the past and not catastrophising the future.

Guess what that’s ok. Stoicism is a journey.

Whatever you are trying to accomplish is a journey.

Beating yourself up because you aren’t the best at something. Doesn’t help you get better.

Anne Lamott in her book on writing Bird by Bird describes writing and life like driving a car at night.

“You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.”

You don’t have to have the whole journey figured out.

You have to have a destination in mind but you don’t have to see it. Focus on what is three feet ahead of you, then another three feet.

That’s how you make progress on this journey we call life. A little progress every day.

The path doesn’t have to be perfect. There will be bumps in the road and detours. Just keep moving. You will eventually get to where you want to be.

Enjoy the journey.

Blame

Something bad happened. Who’s to blame?

Is that important?

So you have identified who’s to blame, is that going to change your situation?

The blame game never helps anyone solve a problem. It’s a waste of energy.

“You should not blame the gods for what happens in accordance with nature because they do nothing wrong either on purpose or by accident. You should not blame human beings either because they don’t do wrong on purpose. Blame no one.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.12

People make decisions in their own best interest. If it harms you, whether it is good or bad is your opinion.

“Our desires should be restrained, and our aversions should be limited to matters under our control.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.37

Blame wastes valuable time trying to rationalize why it happened.

It’s over. Why it happened doesn’t matter. It only matters what you’re going to do moving forward.

Amor Fati – “Not merely to bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Accept what has happened. Breath. Be present. Calm.

Now make a plan to take what has happened and use it to your advantage.

You have lost your job. Take the time to figure out what is important and how you are going to use the time wisely to make your new life better.

A relationship ended. Take the time to evaluate what happened and use that information to make the other relationships in your life more meaningful.

The fact that you are alive is a miracle. Be grateful.

Don’t waste your time on blame. Use your time to be present and get better.

Our Opinions

“This never ceases to amaze me. We love ourselves above all others and yet value our opinions less than that of others.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.4

I have spent much of my life worrying about what others would think of me rather than just doing the right thing.

This mindset of seeking outside approval has led me down the wrong road on multiple occasions.

I am working on doing the right thing even when it is hard.

Some people will not like that.

That’s ok.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch

Other people’s opinions are fleeting. Some days they will love you. Some days they will hate. Most days they don’t even think about you.

“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes the color of your thoughts. Color it with a run of thoughts like [this]: Anywhere you can lead your life, you can lead a good one.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 5.16.i

You have to live with yourself every moment of every day. Your opinion matters more.

Be the best person you can be in each moment. Believe in yourself and color your thoughts with a positive opinion of yourself.

That’s all that matters.

Book Review: Collective Leader Efficacy by Peter DeWitt

Everyone in education has gone through a tough time over the last three years. Teaching and learning have gotten lost in the noise as we have been forced to focus on things outside our control.

Whether the mandates come from COVID protocols or curriculum changes to support standardized testing, educators at all levels feel we have lost control over the best way to educate our students.

In Collective Leader Efficacy, Peter DeWitt has given us the antidote to that helplessness.

While the book is written from the perspective of improving teaching and learning at the building level by implementing change through instructional leadership teams, its lessons can be applied at the district office level as well.

Finding ways to do this vital work

DeWitt, a former principal and long-time columnist for Education Week, begins the book by reminding us that we cannot abandon the work we were doing before the pandemic, nor can we ignore the many positive changes that were implemented during the pandemic. It is the instructional leadership team that must do this vital work.

DeWitt writes: “Collective efficacy is about fostering leadership, independence, and interdependence among teachers, and it is about elevating the power of the collectives” (p. 4).

I think the two key terms in that statement are leadership and interdependence. Leadership for systemic change cannot just come from the individuals with titles in the district. Real change must come from the teachers in the classroom. For that to occur, those with titles must be willing to give away some of their power to move student learning forward.

Many of us become so focused on teaching that we forget that we must also be learners. Our system is broken and only works for some students. The only way to fix that is to stop believing that we have all the answers and start asking questions.

DeWitt writes: “[M]embers of the ILT need to develop a learner’s mindset so they can center into classrooms and school-based decisions with curiosity and a leadership mindset so they can step up and lead through the learning they do” (p. 27).

As leaders we need to model this learner’s mindset. We need to take risks and let our staff know that it is not only okay but expected that they do so as well. These risks are necessary because the pandemic is only one issue that we are all facing. We also must navigate political, racial, and social issues. Those problems will only be solved if we are willing to take risks and buck the status quo.

Dealing with an initiative that isn’t working

Sometimes the most significant risk is not adding something new but taking something away. Everyone in education, at one time or another, has felt initiative fatigue. Subtracting an initiative that is not working can have a more significant impact than adding something new.

When we decide to de-implement something, we take away a program that people are emotionally invested in, even if it is not working. You will inevitably hear the cries that you are not being supportive. “There needs to be a balance here by feeling that we are supported but also understanding that support is a two-way street: we need to also be supportive of our school districts” (p. 69). Whether adding or subtracting a program, we need to understand our overall goals and how the program fits into those goals.

No matter what is decided, we all must figure out how we fit into the changes. Rather than seeing the changes as something done to us, we need to figure out how we fit into the changes. Leaders need to take a step back and realize that they cannot be the center of the initiative, nor should they be.

Empowering educators

Leaders, formal and informal, need to provide learning opportunities and ongoing support. Teachers may need help to figure out where they fit into the changes being made. They will also need to feel they have some control over what will happen in their classrooms. “[S]chool leaders need to know the difference between when to speak and when to listen, when to control, and when to give up control” (p. 116).

Our job, as leaders, is to empower educators, not enable them to continue using ineffective practices that do not foster student learning. We empower educators by providing professional learning experiences they can design and implement. These learning experiences need to support the overall mission. To do that, we must open our minds. “’I find that one of the best, but most difficult ways for me to learn is to drop my own defensiveness, at least temporarily’” (Rogers, 1954, p. 149).

The best way to drop your defensiveness is to ask questions. You may disagree with everything being said or implemented, but if you ask questions, you can open your mind to new possibilities that you have yet to think about. The only way to do that is to listen for understanding, not listen to respond.

Centering on students

Everyone on the team must be worried about all students. It goes beyond your favorite lesson. It goes beyond that pet project. “’The purpose of strengthening the instructional core is not about individual preferences; it is about contributing to the greater good of the school’” (Hargreaves and Shirley, 2012, p. 164).

Often resistance to change has nothing to do with the idea but with the fact that the person implementing the change does not believe they can do it successfully. It is our role as leaders to help them build the confidence to not only implement the change but to implement it well. We can only do that if we have credibility as instructional leaders.

We must acknowledge that adult issues in school are important but should not be the focus of change initiatives. The chief issue is deciding what all our students need to succeed. Ask any student in any school, and they will be able to tell you which teachers will help them succeed. They know which teachers give them meaningful experiences and which are just packing their brains with meaningless facts. “The issue here is that student engagement is too often focused on what the adult in the room wants and not necessarily on what the student deems important” (p. 197).

DeWitt challenges us to be better

Collective Leader Efficacy has challenged my assumptions about school reform and reaffirmed many of my core beliefs. We cannot throw out the baby with the bathwater, but we cannot continue to subject students to practices that are clearly not working.

Moving forward will be a team effort. If we, as educators, want to influence how education moves forward in this country, we need to do it systematically. Here’s Dewitt’s powerful summation: “’Bottom line: If educators want to exercise political influence in the reconstitution of leadership, they will have to begin to act more like professionals’” (Elmore, 2006, p. 188).

Originally published on MiddleWeb Book Reviews

You Can’t Have Everything

“Everything you’re trying to reach – by taking the long way – you could have right now, this moment. If you’d only stop thwarting your own attempts. If you’d only let go of the past, entrust the future to Providence, and guide the present toward reverence and justice.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.1

Be present. It is the only thing we own.

If you live this moment to its fullest, you won’t have any regrets.

If you do the right thing in this moment, you won’t have any regrets.

The future will work out the way it’s supposed. It may not be the way you want it to.

By being present in each moment, focusing on what you can control, you will be prepared for whatever happens.

You can’t have everything you want.

If you accept what happens to you you can have everything you need.

Do the right thing. Breathe. Be present. Calm.

Anger is a Gift

“Anger is a gift.” – Rage Against the Machine, Bombtrack, rage against the machine

As a Stoic you are not supposed to feel anger. That is the biggest misconception about Stoicism, with a big S, compared to stoic, with a little s.

stoic – not affected by or showing passion or feeling – Miriam-Webster definition

Stoic philosophers did not believe that you should not feel emotions. They believed that you should be in control of your emotions at all times.

You can feel anger, love, and sadness. Every emotion you have, at any time.

But then what?

“That it’s not what they do that bothers us: that’s a problem for their minds, not ours. It’s our misperceptions. Discard them. Be willing to give up thinking of this as a catastrophe…and your anger is gone.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11.18.vii

You have to domesticate those emotions. You can not let other’s actions rule your response. You have to use your emotions to your advantage.

Use any emotion, especially anger, to get better, to work harder, to learn more about yourself.

Rage is the dangerous emotion. Rage is out of control. Rage will make the situation worse.

Anger can be used to your advantage if you separate it from the situation.

Sometimes people need to know you are angry. It gets their attention, but it must be used in a measured way.

Anger can get your point across. It can drive you to improve.

Anger is a gift.

Be Kind

You never know what someone else is going through.

The angry comment your coworker made to you. The idiot that cut you off in traffic. The rude person in the grocery store.

Maybe they just found out they have cancer. Maybe they are rushing to say goodbye to a dying loved one. Maybe their husband or wife told them they wanted a divorce.

Be kind.

You cannot control what anyone does or says to you.

Be kind.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Let it go and move on.

Be kind.

“Whenever anyone criticizes or wrongs you, remember that they are only doing or saying what they think is right. They cannot be guided by your views, only their own; so if their views are wrong, they are the ones who suffer insofar as they are misguided.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion

Their views are not your concern. You have to be concerned about how you act. Not them.

Let them carry that hate or anger. That is their burden.

That is a burden you do not need.

Be kind.

You never know when you will need someone else’s kindness.

Be kind.

There is someone else you need to be kind to, yourself.

Maybe you were the angry coworker. Maybe you were the idiot who cut someone off in traffic. Maybe you were the rude person at the grocery store.

Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself grace for your mistakes.

Be kind to yourself.

You are not defined by the mistakes in your past.

Be kind to yourself.

We say things in our heads to ourself that we would never say to another person.

Be kind to yourself.

As long as you are drawing breath you have the ability to be better tomorrow.

Be kind to yourself.

The compassion that you give to a loved one, to anyone, who makes a mistake you should give to your self.

Be kind to yourself.

There is always tomorrow.

Why are they doing that?

“Learn to ask of all actions, ‘Why are they doing that?’ Starting with your own.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.37

This is an important question.

Remember that you have no control over what someone else does to you. You only control your response.

Whether what happens to you is good or bad is your opinion.

If you ask why they did it, you may find that they are not so different from you.

It brings humanity to the stupid things that people do.

To ask that question, you need to find the space, the space from your shock, from your anger.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl, A Man’s Search For Meaning

In that space, you can ask why and then make a thoughtful response.

That is the only way to make a bad situation better.

That is the growth and freedom Viktor Frankl is speaking of. Getting angry. Screaming and yelling that’s the easy way out.

Freedom comes from a thoughtful response. Understanding that the person that offended you is no different from you.

Failure

What is worse failing or the regret from not trying?

In the moment, failing feels worse.

Failure, as long as you give everything, should never lead to regret.

Not trying always leads to regret.

The what ifs. What if I had succeeded? What if things had gone my way?

How do you know you would have failed if you haven’t tried?

To me regret is worse. You just don’t know what would have happened.

If you fail, you have the information to learn the next time.

No matter how old you are the story is never written.

As long as you are above the soil you have time to do great things.

You will fail.

Dust yourself off, learn from it, and keep going.

What I learned this year?

I learned this year that I don’t have to try to prove I am the smartest person in the room, because most of the time I’m not.

My intense need to show people how smart I am came from insecurity. Deep down I never felt I was smart enough.

I found some intellectual humility. I realized I could learn from others if I took the time to listen.

I learned this year that I talk too much which often was an outgrowth of trying to prove how smart I was.

I am working on shutting up and listening more. One mouth, two ears for a reason. I don’t need to offer something in every conversation.

If you have something to share that adds value to the conversation, share it. If not, keep it to yourself.

By trying to impress people with your witty remarks, you do the opposite. You put them off.

I learned that I can’t fix people. People don’t want to be fixed. They want you to listen. They want to be heard.

I learned I am a writer. It doesn’t matter how good it is. Get it down.

I accomplished my goal of one blog post per week. Now I have keep doing the work.

Living for Today

When life is easy, we tend to forget that tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone.

We may live for another 50 years or for another 50 seconds.

Bad stuff happens. Car accident, heart attack, random act of violence. No one knows.

That doesn’t mean we should live recklessly. It just means we should savor the present moment.

No regrets is a coward’s motto. We all have regrets. It’s what we do with them that matters.

We have to stop worrying about past mistakes. We would all like to be perfect and not have done dumb shit in our life. That’s an impossibility.

Mistakes will be made. Some of them will be HUGE, life altering. Then what?

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living.” – Elizabeth Taylor

You may post your best self on social media. But what about the days you can barely get out of bed?

Guess what? No matter how good your life is, we all have bad days.

We should prepare ourselves for what may happen. Premeditatio Malorum. But not worry about what outcome may actually happen.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality. “ – Seneca

We spend too much time worrying about a future that we are horrible at predicting.

Live in the present moment Because that is all we have.

“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

It does not have to be a great day. It just has to be a day. Just get up and live it.

You don’t have to take the 30,000 foot view. My mom on once said to me during a difficult time get through the next 10 minutes, then the next 10 minutes.

Remember it is a privilege to be above the soil. There are more people than you can imagine who are breathing their last breath at this very moment.

Do not waste a moment that you still have breath.

If you have life be thankful. No matter your situation.

“Nature brings what is good for everyone and everything, and at the precise moment.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Life provides you with what you need if you are willing to accept it. It may look like an obstacle or bad luck, but that may disguise the opportunity.

The Right Path

“You can see what needs to be done. If you can see the road, follow it. Cheerfully without turning back. If not, hold up and get the best advice you can. If anything gets in the way, forge on ahead, making good use of what you have on hand sticking to what seems right.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 10.12

I have not always followed the right path. I have not always made the best decisions.

We get caught up in the moment. What we think is a good decision at the time doesn’t look so good in the light of the next day.

That’s ok. Today I can find the right path.

We all think the right path is straight. That is not the case.

The right path has twists and turns. It even has switchbacks and places where you have to turn around and start over.

“Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.” – Pocahontoas

Keep pressing on. If the right path were the easy path everyone would take it.

The right path will knock you down. It might even humiliate you.

You must find the courage to keep going. Put your head down, ignore the noise, and do the work.

Thank You

In What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith recommends when you receive feedback, positive or negative, all you should say is Thank You.

First it is disarming. Most people, when they provide feedback, expect an argument. Just listen to what they have to say and say Thank You.

Second receiving feedback can be emotional, especially negative feedback. It’s better to just listen, take it in, and say Thank You.

There is no need to debate every point. There is no need to offer an opinion in every conversation.

You don’t have to agree with everything that’s said but usually some of what is said is true.

Feedback is difficult to hear because we see ourselves one way, where the world sees us another. Say Thank You then sit down and reflect on what was said.

Take what you can use to get better, discard the rest.

Keep going back to anyone who has the courage to give you feedback, especially negative feedback. Check in with them to see how you are doing and say Thank You.

Don’t be right. Get it right. And say Thank You.

Most important Job

“If the essence of the good lies within us, then there is no place for jealousy or envy, and you will not care about being a general, a senator or a consul – only about being free. And the way to be free is to look down on externals.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion, Chapter 19

The most important job is the one you have right now.

That means doing the best job you can every day.

“I am part of a world controlled by nature…So by keeping in mind the whole I form a part of, I’ll accept whatever happens.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.6

Remember, you are just a spoke in the wheel, a bit player in the drama.

Your job is to play that part to the best of your ability.

Not worrying about when, where, or how the next opportunity will come along.

“‘Well what will my profession in the community be?’ Whatever position you are equipped to fill, so long as you preserve the man of trust and integrity.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion, Book 24.4

You will find your profession.

It is important to have ambition, to want more for yourself.

But to get there, you have to be good here.

If you do your best work now, that next opportunity will come.

Shameless People

“When you are offended by someone’s shameless behavior, ask yourself, ‘Can there be a world without shameless people?’ No, it is not possible.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 9.42

People will always hate.

They will always try to knock you down to make themselves feel or look better.

Whether it is out of anger, jealousy, or fear.

“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.4

It is your choice to be offended or not. If you take it personally you are complicit in their behavior .

Don’t want to be offended by it, don’t be.

You have to have the courage to be you. Sometimes that’s hard.

“‘What will happen to me?’ No one can tell you that. But with courage, you can say yourself, ‘I’m not sure, but I will get through it with my soul intact. I will make the best of it. I will not be afraid.’” RyanHoliday, Courage is Calling

As the old saying goes, sometimes you have to make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

You need to have an undying belief in yourself.

That doesn’t mean arrogance. It means that you know you can make it out the other side of any situation.

People will turn on you. Decisions that looked good in the moment will go south. What will you do?

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.” – Japanese proverb

Don’t let anyone tell you, you are done. A setback is just the next move in a game of chess.

Are you willing to make the next move?

Gratitude

“With awareness, you can find

something to be grateful for

in each moment.

With practice, you will see

an abundance of things

to be grateful for.”

– Holstee, Gratitude Guide

There is always something to be grateful for no matter what is going on.

Just look around. Be present.

Be aware of what you have.

Be aware of the people in your life that make it meaningful.

Be grateful for the mundane things in your life.

“…I didn’t say we can be grateful for everything. I said we can be grateful in every moment…” – Brother David Steindl-Rast, Holstee, Gratitude Guide

It is so easy to get caught in a rut of self pity.

Will you waste this moment being angry over some slight, perceived or otherwise?

All things come to an end. Everything is fleeting.

You will never get this moment back.

Don’t just endure them. Embrace them.

Every moment is a learning experience.

Be grateful for every moment, even if things may not exactly be going your way.

Life can be hard, but it also can be beautiful.

Justice or Forgiveness

Do you believe in justice or forgiveness?

I believe in both.

But I think justice needs to be defined first.

Justice requires us to do the right thing, even when it is hard and unpopular.

Justice also means doing the most good for the most people.

Without justice, there would be lawlessness.

After justice, there must be forgiveness.

Forgiveness is for both people, the wrongdoer and the wronged.

Hate and revenge are heavy burdens to bear.

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” – Nelson Mandela

Forgiveness allows a person to let go of their hate and need for revenge and unburden themselves.

Now that sounds great, but it is easier said than done.

You don’t have to forget what happened to forgive.

Forgiveness allows you to let go of what happened and move on in positive direction.

Some things are hard to forgive, but we have to try so that we can be free.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boose

Small Calculated Risks

Life is all about taking risks. Much of people’s anxiety is over; will these risks work out in the long run?

Taking a big risk in life is scary because we aren’t sure how it will work out.

Will it ruin you?

No one said you have to take big, life-altering risks all at once. Sometimes these risks are necessary.

But what if you took small calculated risks that get you to the same place?

Much of our anxiety is because we try to predict what will happen.

The bigger the risk the more variables. The harder it is to predict.

We, as humans, are horrible at predicting the future. So the bigger the risk the more vague the outcome will be.

We try to predict the future, but there are so many things outside of our control it is a lesson in futility.

Also, black swan events can come along and change everything. The idea of the black swan event was popularized by Nicholas Nassim Taleb in the book of the same name.

We can steal ourselves against the events in two ways, hedge our bets, so we are prepared to take advantage of the outcome or take small calculated risks that don’t expose us to as much risk.

If you are taking smaller risks, then the stakes become easier to manage and you get to the same endpoint.

You will also be more willing to continue on the path to the big goal, just in smaller steps.

Rest

I have a hard time resting. I have a hard time sitting still.

I have monkey mind.

When I get a quiet moment, my mind jumps from past mistakes to future headaches.

I have a hard time being present.

“But sometimes, the harder choice, the greater exercise in restraint, is to rest. It’s to manage the load instead of throw it on your shoulders (or knees) without thinking.” – Ryan Holiday, Discipline Is Destiny, p. 76-77

Distractions are everywhere. Email, text messages, phone calls, and social media posts. All vying for our attention.

In a world with so many distractions, how do we find a quiet moment to rest?

First put your phone down, that text, email, Tweet can wait.

The Stoics didn’t believe that you should do nothing.

The Stoics felt that your leisure time should be filled by reading and learning.

I enjoy filling my mind with new ideas. It excites me. It gets my mind off of the troubles in this world.

It also reminds you that what is going on today is no different than what has gone on for centuries.

We all need to take a minute to just let our minds and bodies rest. The world will still be out there after you do.

Slave

“Doesn’t it seem to you that acting against one’s will, under protest and compulsion, is tantamount to being a slave?” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 4.1.11

We are all a slave to something: work, drink, drugs, sex, social media. The list can be endless.

We are a slave if we act against our own will, if we are listening to others and not living our own lives.

“All our decisions, impulses, desires, or aversions come from within us. No evil can force its way here.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8.28

Why do we seek approval of others?

We have to live with ourselves. Only our opinion really matters; however, we are more concerned with others opinions.

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 12.4

Are you ready to die for your beliefs, your lifestyle? Would you die for what someone else thinks of you?

“Apropos of which, Diogenes says somewhere that one way to guarantee freedom is to be ready to die.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 4.1.30

In today’s day and age we may not have to go to those extremes, but the message still carries.

If you are not willing to die for what you do every day, for what you believe in, you are a slave. A slave to someone else’s opinion, a slave to outside forces.

Worry about what you think. Do what you know is right. Have integrity. That will make you free.

Pain and Anguish

“External things are not your problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8.47

Pain, stress, and anguish, are all negative emotions that come from how you perceive things.

If you don’t want to be harmed by something, you don’t have to be.

“Everywhere, at each moment, you have the option to accept the event with humility, to treat this person as he should be treated, and to approach this thought with care, so that nothing irrational creeps in.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 7.54.

No one has control over my thoughts and reactions but me.

I can choose to be serene and content.

I can choose to move on and never look back.

That’s much easier than it sounds.

We want to be right. We want other people to know we’re right.

But where does that get us?

Nowhere.

Keep going forward. Learn from your mistakes. Move on.

Accept people for who they are. Give them grace for their mistakes because at some point you made the same ones.

Winning the War

For most people winning the battle is more important than winning the war.

Too many people are too impatient to look at the big picture.

On the way to their goals what do they sacrifice?

Themselves, their peers?

Are you strong enough to fight through voices that tell you that you’re wrong?

How do you move forward?

You tell yourself your wrong and you move on.

That’s what great leaders do. They adjust the playing field.

If you don’t adjust you don’t grow.

As a leader if you’re stagnant then you breed mediocrity.

As a leader every obstacle is the way.

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius

Lead by example by being humble

In the end change is scary but fear can be beautiful.

Setbacks

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

Everything that happens changes you.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

Life is like the river. After something happens you are not the same person.

That doesn’t mean what happens to you should bring you down, but it should change you.

You should learn from it.

“A rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8.35

Setbacks should be used as fuel, fuel to get better, fuel to achieve your goal.

Giving up is not an option.

Life will never get easier. It will keep dragging you down if you let it.

However, if you focus on what you can control, you can move forward.

Even in the most horrifying circumstances, if you focus on what is in your control, it doesn’t make it easier, but it makes it tolerable.

Epictetus was a slave for most of his life. He had is leg permanently destroyed by a cruel owner, but he didn’t let that circumstance reduce him.

“They (the gods) made you responsible only for what is in your power – the proper use of impressions. So why take on the burden of matters which you cannot answer for? You are only making unnecessary problems for yourself.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:12:34-35

Now that is easier said than done considering the evil that human beings can do to one another.

Two prime examples are the horrific conditions that Viktor Frankl and Admiral James Stockdale had to endure.

Viktor Frankl was imprisoned in Theresienstadt and then Auschwitz. He lost his whole family to the horror. He however did not let it reduce him.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl

James Stockdale was shot down over North Vietnam and spent seven years as a prisoner in the Hanoi Hilton prison camp.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” — Admiral James Stockdale.

Very few of us will have to suffer the horror that these men endured. Could you?

Many of us melt when we are hit with the slightest setback.

How do we soldier on?

We take it one day at at time. If it’s bad we focus on ten minutes at a time. If it’s really bad focus on the next minute.

Focus on what you control. We do not control what happens to us. We only control how we react.

Be Good

“Not time for reading. For controlling your arrogance, yes. For overcoming pain and pleasure, yes. For outgrowing ambition, yes. For not feeling anger at stupid and unpleasant people – even for caring about them – for that yes.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 8:8

Marcus Aurelius was great. Was he perfect? No. Was he great every day? No. What makes him great was he was consistently good.

That’s what this quote reflects. He’s looking back on times where he was not good and reminding himself to be good.

Be good today. You don’t have to be great. Just good.

Consistency is what makes greatness. A string of good days is enough.

When you stumble, pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and be good the next time.

No one is perfect. To ask someone to be great all the time is a lesson in futility.

Look at anyone who is considered “great” they all stumbled.

Winston Churchill, without his leadership in World War II, would have been considered a failure.

“He destroyed his credibility through his advocacy of the disastrous Gallipoli campaign in World War I, policies on Ireland, mismanagement of the British economy during the interwar period, stubborn defense of the Nazi-sympathizing Edward VIII when he was forced from the throne, and most of all by his vitriolic and (even by the standards of the era) astonishingly bigoted opposition to Mahatma Gandhi and Indian independence.” – Gautam Mukunda, Churchill the Failure: The Paradoxical Truth About the Best and Worst Leaders

Churchill picked himself up and kept trying to be good. He didn’t always accomplish that, but he never stopped trying.

No one can be great every day. Good is even hard.

We look back on great politicians, athletes, and public figures and think they walked on water every day.

They all stumbled, but they kept going. They were good more often than they were great.

But they were good consistently.

What Are You Worth

“You are the only one who knows yourself – which is to say, you know how much you are worth in your own estimation, and therefore at what price you will sell yourself; because people sell themselves at different rates.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:2:11

What is your price?

We all have a price. Depending on circumstances the price may change.

Should we look down on a prostitute?

Would you do the same under the circumstances?

I don’t think anyone could say truthfully without walking in their shoes.

You may not sell your body, but you are willing to sell yourself for jobs, friends, etc.

Are you any better?

“Consider at what price you sell your integrity; but please for God’s sake, don’t sell it cheap.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:2:33

Most people would find selling their body disgusting but they are willing to sell their integrity for nothing.

Which is worse?

“‘But the tyrant will chain…?’ What will he chain? Your leg? ‘He will chop off…?’ What? Your head? What he will never chain or chop off is your integrity.” – Epictetus, Discourses, Book 1:18:17

Life will present you with opportunities to sell your integrity. Are you willing to do that for short term gains?

To what end?

Will you be able to look yourself in the mirror every day?

If you have to make certain decisions to survive, who will judge you?

If you can look yourself in the mirror and know you made the best decision you could then what others think about you doesn’t matter.

Focus on what you can control. Other people’s perceptions of what you have done is not something you can control.

If they haven’t walked in your shoes then their opinion doesn’t matter.

But when you are making those decisions don’t sell your integrity cheap.

Do what you have to do but make sure you can look your self in the mirror afterwards.

Storms

“Life will send storms

you cannot prepare for.

Some will approach slowly and

others will appear without warning.

Move through each moment

with care and persistence.

Meaning and beauty are

waiting for you

on the other side.”

Holstee, Resilience Guide

Storms in life like storms in weather eventually end. Some are worse than others.

However if they don’t take your life, no matter how bad they were, the Sun eventually comes out.

Endure whatever they throw at you with grit and a smile.

Without the rain the flowers won’t grow. Without strife we don’t grow.

We can come out better on the other side. That is being antifragile.

Not just recover from adversity, but be better because of it.

You do that by learning from the what caused the storm and from its aftermath.

The learning is the meaning and beauty waiting on the other side of a storm.

Justice

Justice is the hardest of the four Stoic virtues.

Justice means doing the right thing even when it is hard and unpopular.

Justice requires you to live up to the other three virtues.

Justice requires the wisdom to know what the right thing is in any situation.

“The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom.” – Aristotle

Justice requires the courage to do the right thing in the face of people who disagree with you and may even hate you for it.

“Courage is of no value unless accompanied by justice; yet if all men became just, there would be no need for courage.” – Agesilaus the Second

Justice requires the discipline to do the right thing again and again.

“[A] man has it in his power to be just, if he have but the will to be so.” – Plutarch, Lives: Life of Cato the Younger

We need to be just because it is the right thing no matter what others do or if we get praise.

“Live out your life in truth and justice, tolerant of those who are neither true nor just.” – Marcus Aurelius.

Justice is the reward in its own right. Don’t worry about what others think. What you think and do is all that matters.

Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.

Wisdom

Wisdom is a journey not a destination.

It comes from seeking knowledge not facts. It comes from developing skills

Wisdom comes from opening your mind to new ideas. Even ideas that seem contrary to your worldview.

Epicureanism is supposedly diametrically opposed to Stoicism. However Seneca quotes Epicurus repeatedly.

“I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.” – Seneca

Wisdom is about seeking the truth. The truth is the truth.

Even if you disagree you should try to understand what they have to say.

You don’t have to agree with everything but maybe something they say makes you expand your perspective.

Isn’t that what wisdom is truly about?

“Don’t get into this binary thing where you’re looking at Fox or CNN. Read the other side. Some of your fellow citizens have good reasons to believe something different than you do. I try to think sometimes about where are they right? Not are they wrong. You’ll become a better thinker. And you earn peoples’ respect.” – Jaime Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan Chase

Life is about the search for the truth.

“It is the search for the truth, not possession of the truth which is the way of philosophy. Its questions are more relevant than its answers, and every answer becomes a new question.” – Karl Jaspers

If we want to seek true wisdom we need to lead with questions and not answers.

Answers are an endpoint. Questions are a beginning. Questions lead to more questions.

Questions lead you on the journey.

Discipline

Discipline is about doing the right thing even if it is hard and unpopular.

“You could be good today. But instead you choose tomorrow.” – Marcus Aurelius

Discipline is about doing the right thing today. Not telling yourself you will do better tomorrow.

Today may be hard but tomorrow will be harder if you don’t do the right thing now.

“Everyone must choose one of the two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” – Unknown

Discipline is about doing the small things every day to improve.

When you have a bad day you pick yourself up and do better tomorrow.

Life is hard don’t make it harder by making the wrong choices today.

The End

It is a shame when things come to an end, but that is the natural progression.

We outgrow people. People move away. People die. Jobs end by termination, resignation, and retirement.

The only thing that we are all guaranteed in life is that we will die.

When something ends it can be difficult. It can be heartbreaking.

“Nothing can happen to you that is not required by Nature.” – Marcus Aurelius

The sun will still come up tomorrow.

We need to take it into perspective. How can we learn and grow from ends, even death?

“You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you. Things can’t shape our decisions by themselves.” – Marcus Aurelius

None of us are special. That is one thing we can take away from ends.

“Alexander the Great and his mule driver both died and the same thing happened to both. They were absorbed alike into the life force of the world, or dissolved alike into atoms.”- Marcus Aurelius

When we are gone all of those accolades we chased will be quickly forgotten. We need to be the best person we can be every day so that we can make an impact in someone’s life.

No one says you can’t mourn an end. A lost friendship, a death of a friend or loved one, a lost job. But what comes next?

You need to pick yourself up off the floor and get back to the work of being a human.

Live your life.

Responsibilities

Always remember that you have a responsibility to keep your word with others and especially yourself.

I made a promise to myself that I would write a blog post every week this year. I try to write a little each day.

Unfortunately this week got away from me. Today, Sunday, is the first time I have taken the time to write anything.

I’m not happy that I let myself neglect my writing practice. I’m not happy that in the busyness of life I found it just easier to skip it each day, telling myself I’ll have time tomorrow.

However that’s over, and I can’t change what I did or didn’t do last week. I can only change this moment.

“The wise man is like a dog leashed to a cart, running alongside and smoothly keeping pace with it, while a foolish man is like a dog that struggles against the leash but finds himself dragged alongside the cart anyway. Either we accept what happens, run alongside smoothly, and try to make the best with it, or, we complain about the situation, get miserable, and get dragged behind anyway because we cannot change it.” – Zeno

I have accepted the responsibility to get a blog post out this week. I won’t complain. I am just happy I kept my promise to myself.

Next week I will return to my discussion of the four Stoic virtues. I will discuss discipline, which I need to find a little more of in my writing practice. But life is a continuous journey.

Courage

Oxford Languages dictionary defines courage as the ability to do something that frightens one and strength in the face of pain or grief.

The Stoics would define courage as living your life virtuously by holding on to your principles no matter what you are facing.

“A setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

We have faced many challenges in education recently. A pandemic, civil unrest, a charged political climate. All have come to our doorstep.

Each one of these has challenged what we do and how we do it.

The one thing that should never change is why we do it. The students.

What we do and how we do it can and should change as new and better ideas come along.

Why we do it that’s where the courage comes along.

We are constantly challenged by outside forces to question why we got into education.

Angry parents, unruly students, unfunded mandates, the list is endless.

We have to have the courage to filter out the noise and focus on what we can control.

We can control showing up every day and giving everything we have for our students.

We can control having the courage to make the right choices for students even when they are hard and unpopular.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt

Our students must be more important than our fear.

Do we have the courage to give every student what they need to be successful?

Do we have the courage to take the challenges we have faced and “rise to more exalted heights?”

If we want a better world than we have today, we have to.

Premeditatio Malorum

Premeditatio Malorum means the premeditation of the evils and troubles that might lie ahead.

Now that may seem contrary to Seneca’s idea that “we suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Premeditatio Malorum is about being prepared, not worrying.

“Today it is you who threaten me with these terrors; but I have always threatened myself with them, and have prepared myself as a man to meet man’s destiny. If an evil has been pondered beforehand, the blow is gentle when it comes.” – Seneca

I have no issue sitting down and thinking about what might happen and preparing. It’s the letting it go, knowing I have a plan in place, that’s the part I struggle with.

I perseverate on what on the worst case scenario, and I become anxious about it.

That is the running narrative in my head.

I need to learn to focus on the plan and not the troubles themselves.

That is how you balance Seneca’s two ideas.

Think about what bad could happen and plan for it. Don’t make the evils and troubles worse than they might be in your imagination.

Know that you can handle anything that is thrown at you. Because you are ready.

“You can read Seneca a hundred times and think you’re now prepared for calamity, but that’s just knowledge disguised as understanding.” – Lawrence Yeo, More to That blog

It doesn’t matter what you know if you can’t put it into action when you need to.

Think of what might happen, prepare for it, don’t imagine that it will be worse than it could be, and let it go.

Amor Fati

Amor Fati means love one’s fate.

Friedrich Nietzsche created the idea.

“That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

When life is going good Amor Fati is easy. All’s good. No reason to regret anything. Loving life.

When life starts throwing challenges at you that’s when Amor Fati becomes difficult.

But if you read Nietzsche’s quote carefully he doesn’t say love your fate when it’s easy. He says “one wants nothing to be different.”

Everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see or comprehend it at the time, but the reason is there.

Bad things will happen. That’s inevitable. Why try to pretend they won’t?

We would all love life to go our way all the time. That’s not reality.

“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.” – Epictetus

As much as we try, we do not control what happens to us. We only control our response to what happens.

Why be miserable? It is what it is, and it will be what it will be.

Life is too short not to love that you are alive.

Every day is a gift. Even the bad ones.

Perfection

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen from the Holstee Welcome Guide

Stop worrying about being perfect and start worrying about being you.

“Excellence not perfection.” – Adam Grant

Stop being so hard on yourself when you make mistakes or things don’t go your way.

The only way not to make mistakes is to never do anything new.

If you don’t try anything new, then how do you grow, how do you learn, how do experience new things?

The short answer is you don’t. The price of life is learning to fail, learn, and move on.

Keep pushing but become ok with getting it wrong often.

Where you are now is where you are meant to be. Success comes from hard work and grit.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Keep trying. Keep learning. Keep smiling.

It’s not easy, but in the long run it’s worth it.

The Space

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

In that space before we respond we need to take an inventory of our emotions. Acknowledge what they are and take a moment to consider how they will affect our response.

We don’t need to respond immediately. Sometimes, many times, it’s better not to respond immediately.

It’s often better to process how what the other person has said makes you feel. How they made you feel, will be the pivotal thing that colors your response.

Anger, resentment, jealousy will make you do and say things you may not do or say normally. Allowing them to determine your response can destroy the path forward in the conversation.

This idea of using the space to respond appropriately is something I need to work on.

I am too eager to respond especially if someone has made me angry, jealous, or resentful.

I want them to know I’m right, even when I know I’m not.

I need to work on getting it right rather than being right.

Sometimes I feel anger, jealousy, or resentment because I know deep down they are right, and I don’t want to admit it.

“Am I hear to learn something or to prove something?“ – Holstee, Reflections newsletter

Get it right rather than be right.

Past > Present?

You can’t change the past, but the past changes the present.

Something that happened in the past that you didn’t understand or couldn’t see the meaning becomes more clear as the present unfolds.

“We must abandon completely the notion of blaming the past for any kind of situation we’re in and reverse our thinking and see that the past always flows back from the present. That now is the creative point of life. So you see, it’s like the idea of forgiving somebody. You change the meaning of the past by doing that …” – Alan Watts, Out of Your Mind, from Reflections from Holstee newsletter

Even things that were horrible in the past take on new meaning if you grow and learn from them in the present.

That person that did the unforgivable must be forgiven for the present to take the shape that you want.

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” – Buddha

The past does inform the present. That is why we need to be present in each moment. The present becomes the past.

Since we can’t change the past the only influence we have is being present in each moment.

Everything Has It’s Season

Do your job. Do it well

Don’t worry about the next task or the next job.

Do what needs to be done now and do it with all of your ability.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Be happy where you are until it is time to move on.

Be happy with the journey.

“We need more confidence without the need for evidence.” – The Daily Coach newsletter

Life is hard enough without trying to live in a time machine, trying to fix the past and predict how everything will turn out in the future. Both are lessons in futility.

Savor the moment. Because what comes next will come no matter what.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Choose wisely.

We can only control how we react to what happens. We can be present and enjoy this moment.

Savor every moment.

Anxiety

Anxiety is fear of the future.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca

Nine times out of ten what you fear most never comes to fruition.

Yet your brain in the moment just can’t come to that conclusion. The more you try not to think about it the more anxiety you feel.

So how do you overcome anxiety?

Be present. Focus on what you are doing in that moment.

Let this moment push the fear aside.

If and when you get to the moment you fear then you can be present and deal with it.

However most of the time the moment that you fear never comes or isn’t as bad as you imagined.

And you have wasted all of that time worrying about something that never actually happens.

Be present. Life will come as it comes. You can only control your reaction to what happens.

It’s a Phase

I was listening to Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic podcast from May 25. It began with Ryan talking about everything in life is a phase.

Good, bad, or indifferent. Whatever you are going through will end eventually. Even if it means the end of you.

“Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable then endure it. Stop complaining. If it’s unendurable… then stop complaining. Your will mean it’s end as well. Just remember: you can endure anything your mind can make endurable, by treating it as in your best interest to do so.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book X.3

When you are going through something it may seem unbearable at the time. Then years later you look back, and you made it through and learned something from it.

What if you had that perspective when you were going through it?

Everything that happens to you is endurable. It may not seem like it in the moment. It may be painful but as I said in an earlier blog post: Pain = Growth.

Don’t get caught complaining even to yourself. What you are going through is hard enough. Don’t make it harder by feeling sorry for yourself.

There is always something to learn and something positive to take away from every situation. No matter how hard or painful.

The most painful experiences make us better.

“It’s not what happens to you but how you react that matters.” – Epictetus

Showing Up

The Reflections from Holstee email Finding Creative Inspiration (Part 1) begins with a video from a TED Talk by Elizabeth Gilbert. “In the video, Elizabeth talks about an old and rather mystical idea, dating back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, of a ‘genius’ that comes to us and creates through us. This genius is unpredictable, and it may or may not come to us. But we improve our chances of experiencing it just by showing up.”

Everything begins by showing up

If you don’t show up you can’t be in the game. If you don’t show up your opinion doesn’t matter.

But showing up isn’t enough.

Then you have to do the work.

You have to have the perseverance to overcome the obstacles that will inevitably be thrown in your way. You have to have the passion to keep going.

Angela Duckworth defines grit as perseverance and passion for long term goals.

Showing up is the start. Do you have the grit to continue?

The Reflections from Holstee email Finding Creative Inspiration (Part 2) talks about the resistance we all feel when we show up. “There is always something that inevitably comes up. Are they real needs or are they subconscious resistance to doing the work?”

If what you are doing is important you will find the time to accomplish it.

If it is not important why are you doing it?

The world is full of distractions. Our lives are constant fights for our attention.

We must find the space and quiet to show up, then the willpower to ignore the distractions.

“Two words should be committed to memory and obeyed by alternately exerting and restraining ourselves, words that will ensure we lead a mainly blameless and untroubled life: persist and resist.” – Epictetus

Epictetus is taking about a different kind of resistance.

Persist in showing up and doing good work. Resist all the “urgent” matters that try to grab your attention.

What I believe in

Courage – do what’s right especially when it’s hard and unpopular.

Have high expectations for everyone including myself.

Justice – every child should have what they need to succeed. Fair is not equal.

Relationships are key. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Everyone should have a say in their environment.

Stop believing we know what is right about how every child learns. Ask them. Open our minds to new possibilities.

Wisdom – to have the humility to know that I don’t know everything and the confidence to continue to learn.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” – Unknown

Learn with students and from everyone you come into contact with.

It is less about being right. It’s more about learning and considering different views.

“Am I hear to learn something or to prove something?“ – Holstee, Reflections newsletter

We should spend more time asking questions than pretending like we have all the answers.

We all need to rethink our beliefs regularly.

Discipline – to have control over my emotions and actions and to live my life according to these ideals.

“Excellence not perfection” – Adam Grant, Think Again Podcast.

Life is hard. You have to keep grinding every day no matter what.

“The impediment to action advances the action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius

Nobody Is Perfect

Even the greats have flaws.

We have to be more willing to look at ourselves for our accomplishments and for our mistakes.

Resting on your laurels because you succeeded is easy and lazy.

What can you learn from when you haven’t been at our best?

Taking a hard look at ourselves because we screwed up is hard.

But that is our path to growth.

“We learn from failure, not from success!” – Bram Stoker

Short Term Memory

“What has happened in our recent past drives our emotional response much more than how we are doing overall.” – Annie Duke, Thinking In Bets

Good or bad whatever happens right now colors our thoughts. It doesn’t matter if we’ve had three weeks of bliss.

Life could be going swimmingly. Then something bad happens. All the good disappears from our mind. Life sucks.

The reverse is also true. Life can be a shit show. Then something miraculous happens. All the bad disappears, and life is great again.

An old adage in sports says you have to have a short memory. No matter what happened the last game you have to move on win or lose.

You can’t be too high or too low because the next opponent is coming.

Same thing in life. Things are never as bad or as good as they may seem at any moment. You need to have a short memory.

Tomorrow is coming. Whether you want it to or not.

“Yesterday don’t mean shit. What’s over is over. Nothing between. Yesterday don’t mean shit. Tomorrow is the day you have to face.” – Pantera, Reinventing the Steel

You have to learn from your mistakes and move on.

You can’t change what you have done in the past, but you can change the person you become in the future.

Compassion

There is so much hostility in the world right now.

We could all use a little more compassion towards others and ourselves.

Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, which really isn’t helpful.

Empathy is a start. At least you are trying to understand what someone is going through.

Compassion is when you feel sympathy and empathy, AND you are actively doing something about it.

Most people, when confronted with someone who is generally concerned and wants to help, will at the very least lose some of their hostility.

“When we focus on others, we find motivation that is difficult to marshal for ourselves alone.” – Sheryl Sandberg, Option B, p. 97

Most people are more hostile in their own mind towards themselves than they would ever be to others. One mistake can elicit a torrent of negative thoughts.

“[Self-compassion] does not mean shirking responsibility for our past. It’s about making sure we don’t beat ourselves up so badly that we damage our future … Instead of thinking ‘if only I weren’t,’ we can think ‘if only I hadn’t’” – Sheryl Sandberg, Option B, p. 60-61

Self-compassion does not mean lowering your standards or making the same mistakes over and over. It means giving yourself a break when you do make a mistake.

Give yourself the grace you need to learn from your mistakes and move forward in a positive direction. The same grace you give other people.

Longing

Longing for what?

Days gone by? That may or may not have been so great.

Or a future of greatness? That may or may not come true.

Too much of the first brings on depression of things you cannot change.

Too much of the second brings on anxiety of things you cannot control.

You need to let go of who you were so that you can become who you want to be.

Longing is not a bad thing. It can be the driver to make your life better.

It can be the driver to create the goals that move you forward in life.

Long to be better each day. Long to be more humble. Long to be more empathetic. Long to be more wise. Long to be more understanding.

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, X.16

Focus on making your life better, by being better. Not on external factors that you cannot control.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion, 1

Growth

I have been working on myself using stoicism.

Step 1 focusing on what I can control.

I cannot control how anyone treats me. I can only control how I respond. No one can harm me without my permission.

Be present in the moment. The past is over. The future is unknowable.

Learn from the past but do not beat myself up over mistakes. Preparing for but not worrying about how the future will work out.

Taking calculated risks that could pay big dividends in the future, but trying not to predict how that risk will turn out.

We humans are horrible at predictions. Too many variables, to control for them all. Make the best decision you can with the information you have and let it ride.

Having courage to do what’s right. Fighting for justice for all. Practicing temperance. Striving for wisdom.

I have made progress but there is a long way to go. The journey will never end.

When Is It Enough

“For men in a state of freedom had thatch for their shelter, while slavery dwells beneath marble and gold.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC

We are all chasing more “marble and gold” but in that chase we are less free. The simpler life is freeing.

We are tethered to devices that make us accessible 24/7/365. We can’t spend 5 minutes with our own thoughts without reaching for our phones.

We complicate our own lives. Rather than living simply we chase things that are unnecessary: likes, comments, etc.

The shot of dopamine is too enticing.

“We were born into a world in which things were ready to our hands; it is we who have made everything difficult to come by through our own disdain for what is easily come by.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC

We complicate our own lives. Rather than being happy with what we have, we want more.

More what?

“[T]o want simply what is enough nowadays suggest to people primitiveness and squalor.” – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, Letter XC

We need to learn to be happy with what we have, not always searching for what we don’t.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or aspirations. We need to learn to be patient and to be satisfied with what we have now.

You are enough. You don’t need to impress people. You don’t need to have a million followers.

If you are pursuing your best life that is enough. Set goals for your self. Take calculated risks. Some will pan out others won’t.

That’s ok. Life is about trying new things, growing from our mistakes. It’s about being the best version of yourself.

Just as you are, you are enough.

Complaints

Complaining has become so engrained in our culture it is almost second nature.

The difference between complaining and pointing out problems is your willingness to do something about it.

Many people are unwilling to do the hard work to fix what is broken. It is just easier to complain and hope that someone else will come along and fix it.

“Don’t be overheard complaining … Not even to yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius

But if no one is willing to step up, how will anything change?

It takes courage to be willing to put yourself out there to change something for the better. It is the natural reaction of every human being to resist change.

Change is hard. Change is scary. The status quo is comfortable. But what if the status quo is not working?

In our society it hasn’t just become status quo to complain but to attack anyone willing to step up to fix a problem. We have become close minded to the possibility that we may not have all the answers.

When did it become passé to help a friend, a neighbor, hell, even a stranger. Now we’d rather just complain about THEIR problems behind their back.

How do we turn this ship around?

We need to become more compassionate, more forgiving of the mistakes of others.

Use the energy you use to complain to find a solution. Every problem has a solution. It may not be quick. It may not be easy. But it’s out there if you look for it.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly …and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Meaning

What is meaning?

The Oxford Language definition is important or worthwhile quality; purpose.

Where do you find meaning in your life? Where do you find purpose?

“What matters therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, p. 108.

Do we ever truly find meaning? Or does meaning change over time?

What has meaning today may not have meaning tomorrow.

“In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only answer by being responsible.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, p. 109.

What are you responsible for? Who are you responsible to?

Life has meaning when you are responsible to something greater than yourself. Everything I do is for my wife and children. How I carry myself. The job I do at work.

I do my job as I hope that the administrators and teachers in my children’s school are doing there’s.

I always remember that every student is someone’s child. Someone loves and cares for that child. It is my responsibility to give them everything I can to improve their lives.

“Choice of attention – to pay attention to this and ignore that – is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.” – W. H. Auden

Meaning can change from day to day, moment to moment. What has your attention in this moment?

Our attention is dragged in a million different directions. Make sure what you allow to capture your attention is worth the meaning you give to it or suffer the consequences.

Book Review: 10 Perspectives on Learning in Education

Originally published https://www.middleweb.com/46694/ed-leaders-share-ideas-for-going-forward/

Edited by Jimmy Casas, Todd Whitaker and Jeffrey Zoul
(Routledge/Eye On Education, 2020 – Learn more)

The past two years have been difficult to say the least. It doesn’t matter what your position is in your school district. You have probably not only questioned your own abilities, you have questioned your future in education. I know both of those doubts have crept into my own thinking.

An unfortunate byproduct of this doubt is that the core mission of educators has been lost over the last two years. Survival, both personal and professional, has been top of mind.

It’s now time to reclaim our why. Why do you do what you do every day for students? 10 Perspectives on Learning in Education is the book that may help you accomplish that mission.

The voices of education thought leaders

This motivating book is a collection of essays from some of the brightest educational leaders today. They provide insights into different aspects of why it is important to be an educator, what it means to be an educator, and how to be a better educator.

There are discussions on learning how to lead, learning asleaders, becoming more emotionally intelligent, supporting standards based learning, taking a design-thinking approach, and making learning about connections, to name a few.

Insights I gleaned from these essays

Todd Whitaker, “Learning to Lead” – Whitaker is one of the most prolific and effective writers among educational leaders today. His writing is down to earth, understandable, and insightful in how to be a better teacher and leader. This essay provides awareness into how to start your leadership journey. “Having the strength to do what is right while you are in the minority is leadership” (p.7).

Jeffrey Zoul, “Schools that Unlearn” – Zoul discusses what needs to be done for continuous school improvement. In many cases doing new things is not enough; we need to stop doing things that are ingrained in school cultures but are no longer providing the desired result – mazimizing the support we give our students. “As Russell Ackoff says, ‘The only thing that’s harder than starting something new, is stopping something old’” (p.16).

Sanée Bell, “Learn How to Tune into your Emotional Intelligence” – Education is about relationships, relationships, relationships. To create a relationship with another person, you must be able to understand where they are coming from. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to agree with them. It means that when you are crafting a solution or a new program, you take their perspective into account. “Be patient and look for the lasting impact instead of the temporary fix” (p.50).

Garnet Hillman, “Shifting the Focus to Standards-Based Learning” – Students should know what they are learning and why they are learning it. The ultimate goal of a lesson shouldn’t be a mystery. Standards-based learning provides students with this insight. It makes assessment an integral part of the learning process, not just the end result. “Assessment and learning go hand in hand with one not possible without the other” (p. 66).

Derek McCoy, “Learning by Connecting with Others” – Learning is a social process, or at least it should be. In too many classrooms, learning is a one-way street, from teacher to student. To improve our schools, learning needs to become a conversation, where teachers learn as much from students as students learn from teachers. “Learning happens from social interactions. Learning comes from defending, questioning, and explaining” (p. 129).

Refocusing on students’ learning

This book, published during the first pandemic year, doesn’t supply all of the answers for how we should move forward in education after an unprecedented shock wave. But it’s a good jumping off point for regaining our focus. It provides the reader with information and insight that may spark something that they would like to explore further or a project that they should start to make things better.

We must always remember why we do what we do: the students. We must refocus our attention away from survival back to improving the educational experience of all students. Hopefully these essays will provide some of the motivation to continue that mission. I know they did that for me.

Single-mindedness of Purpose

Having a goal is important, but the execution for attaining that goal is more important. Can you keep your eye on the prize? Can you avoid the distractions of every day life to do the work that will get you your goal?

“Single-mindedness of purpose, total concentration on the goal, and the use of these qualities against people less focused, people in a state of distraction – such an arrow will find its mark every time and overwhelm the enemy.” – Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power

It is easier to spread ourselves thin and not focus on what needs to be done to accomplish our goal. We identify goals, plural, that distract us from the hard work needed to accomplish what we really want.

“The fool flits from one person to another, believing that he will survive by spreading himself out. It is a corollary of the law of concentration, however, that much energy is saved, and more power is attained, by affixing yourself to a single, appropriate source of power.” – Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power

Can you overcome the disappointment when you’re goal is delayed? It’s never denied unless you give up. Can you suppress your ego to learn why the goal is delayed?

“Persist and resist.” – Epictetus

If you do not you will be stuck where you are not accomplishing what you desire.

Pain = Growth

Does anyone ever grow when things are going well? I guess we all grow a little every day no matter if there are good times or bad times. It is very easy to become complacent when things are working out well.

When you are a child, you touch something hot, you immediately pull away. You learn very quickly that you don’t want to touch that again. Simplistically that is growth.

No one likes to be in pain. It seems however that our largest growth comes when we are at our lowest, in the most pain. These feelings motivate us to make changes to escape the situation or the feeling.

“A Stoic is someone who transforms fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.” – Nicholas Nassim Taleb

There’s a lot of growth in that quote.

“Fear into prudence” You don’t stop or turn around. You keep going with a little more caution. Always moving forward with a little more knowledge each time.

“It’s ok to be a little afraid. It just means you’re about to learn something.” -Thibaut

“Pain into transformation.” If we are the same person as when we experienced the pain we are likely to experience it again. No one wants to be in pain so we change to not experience that pain again. That’s growth.

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.” – Haroki Murakami

“Mistakes into initiation” Use an error to begin something new. A mistake will always cause pain, the pain of regret. It also can be a beginning, a beginning of a new way forward.

“I learn from my mistakes. It’s a very painful way to learn, but without pain, the old saying is, there’s no gain.” – Johnny Cash

“Desire into undertaking” Wanting something is wonderful. But wanting something alone won’t get what you want. You have to take the desire and make it happen. A little at a time. One foot in front of the other.

“You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough.” – Abraham Lincoln

Pain can be devastating, or it can be motivating. You can let it crush you, or you can let it strengthen you. Which way forward is your choice.

(Un)Precedented Times

How often over the last three years have we heard these are unprecedented times? Every day, multiple times a day. Part of the issue is we see ourselves as special. We are the only ones who have gone through times like these.

The Trump-Biden election was unprecedented. It seemed a lot like Bush-Gore, Hayes-Tilden (which is the subject of a wonderful book, To Rescue The Republic by Brett Baier, about Grant’s role in a smooth transition of power after the contested election), and Adams-Jefferson.

COVID-19 is not the first pandemic. There have been pandemics all throughout recorded history: the Spanish Flu of 1918, the Bubonic Plague (or Black Death) in the Middle Ages, the Antonine plague during the reign of Marcus Aurelius.

These facts don’t mean that these events aren’t traumatic. The civil unrest. The loss of life. These past three years have been trying to say the least.

However we are not special. These times are very much precedented. We are just more easily lead to believe we are special by social media and cable news.

We need to realize that by thinking we are special we are letting the situation control us. We are acting as if we are helpless.

We are not. We may not be able to control what happens to us. We can control how we react to what happens to us.

“It’s not what happens to you but how you react that matters.” -Epictetus

By complaining about unprecedented times we are relinquishing control of our response to outside forces we have no control over.

These times are difficult no doubt about it, but if we look back at history there were times just like these that can serve as a template for how we can respond to the difficult things around us. Do not relinquish control to outside forces.

Placeholder

Remember when your ego begins to takeover no matter your station in life or position in the hierarchy you are just a placeholder. Everyone is replaceable. Someone is always ready to fill your shoes.

“Knowing that he was only a placeholder helped Marcus [Aurelius] prevent his position from going to his head.” -Ryan Holiday, Lives of the Stoics, p. 291.

Does that mean we shouldn’t take our positions seriously? No. It means like Marcus Aurelius we shouldn’t let it go to our head.

We should do our job to the best of our ability, not for recognition but because it is our duty. We should be humble. It is humbling to realize, if we leave, someone will be right behind you to fill your role.

When it is time to leave, and there will always be a time to leave, you should leave your position better off than when you arrived.

Quiet Leadership

“I learned from Maximus to do my duties quietly and without complaining, while being dignified and charming” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 1.15.

What happened to leading from the front with humility? Not always looking for recognition. Never complaining about how hard you have it. Dealing with issues without looking for recognition or a pat on the back.

Now it seems every leader has to puff out their chest or announce every minor accomplishment on social media. It’s like the football player that has to celebrate every first down. Act like you’ve been there before.

In the classic Good to Great, Jim Collins discusses a Level 5 leader. A Level 5 leader has the combination of humility and indomitable will. Leaders who do whatever needs to be done to complete the job and don’t look for the credit.

In Think Again, Adam Grant describes confident humility, as “having faith in our capability while appreciating that we may not have the right solution or even addressing the right problem.” Leaders who believe in themselves but look to others for help in solving difficult problems.

Puffing out your chest with every accomplishment may feed your ego but will it inspire people to follow you? Maybe for a while but eventually they will get tired of you taking all the credit.

I am not saying leaders can’t celebrate the accomplishments of their team. The key word there is team. No one in leadership ever accomplished anything alone. Make it about those around you, not you.

Chicken Little Syndrome

If you remember the story, an acorn falls on Chicken Little’s head. She believes the sky is falling. She runs around the farm frantically.

She meets others along the way and convinces them the sky is falling. They must tell the king. Even though many question whether the sky is falling they continue on. Until they follow Chicken Little into being dinner for Mr. Fox.

Nowadays the sky always seems to be falling. It seems to be the default attitude of many. They convince others the sky is falling.

No one questions. People blindly follow, just like the others in the story of Chicken Little. Then when the crisis doesn’t happen. The Chicken Littles find a new crisis to cluck about.

“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters – don’t wish to seem knowledgeable.” – Epictetus, Enchidrion, 13a.

We don’t need to be aware of every “crisis.” Some things are best ignored. Not everything is a crisis.

Some “crises” are not worth our time. If it is something that you are passionate about then learn about it deeply. Don’t blindly follow the social media influencer or cable news show that wants your attention by saying something shocking.

Go to the source. Read deeply about it. On the issue listen and/or read people who you disagree with. You may still not agree with them but you may learn something new.

You may find out the “crisis” you were so concerned about is no crisis at all. It is easy just to listen to sound bites or Tweets or Facebook posts and not really delve into the facts.

It is hard to dig into an issue completely. The alternative is much worse. Blindly following someone who “clucks” the loudest may mean you end up as someone else’s dinner.

Mistakes

“All men make mistakes, only wise men learn from their mistakes” -Winston Churchill.

Learning only comes from failure. We learn very little when things are going our way. We have to be uncomfortable to see any reason to change. Nothing can make you as uncomfortable as making a mistake.

“Forgive yourself of your faults and your mistakes and move on” – Les Brown

Once you have taken your mistake and learned from it, you have to let it go. There is a delicate balance between remembering your mistake so you don’t do it again and beating yourself up over it.

Self-forgiveness is difficult. We have a constant tape running in our head. Most times we are our own worst critics.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

When you screw up fall back on your why. Why do you do what you do? That is the North Star that will guide you back to your path.

The Colosseum

Social media can be like a blood sport. Survival of the fittest. One person attacking another. With hundreds, thousands, millions looking on.

People saying things to each other that they would never say in person. And the onlookers egg them on or respond in kind. Each follower giving the proverbial thumbs up or thumbs down to express their opinion.

“Let our aim be a way of life not diametrically poised to, but better than the mob” – Seneca, Letter V, Letters from a Stoic.

Why has it become OK to do something on social media to hurt another human being just to appeal to the mob? Aren’t we better than the mob that watched the games at the Colosseum? Where has our civility gone? As I discussed in an earlier post where is civil discourse?

Social media has become an echo chamber where people find others who believe what they believe. When you only listen to those on your side you don’t learn anything new. Everyone should actively seek out those you disagree with. That’s when you learn something new.

If used differently social media can open your eyes to a whole, new world. While it may be entertaining to follow people who disparage others, the entertainment value is fleeting. While it may feel good to only follow those people who share your views, how will you ever challenge your own thinking? It is better to follow people who can teach you something.

“[R]efrain from following the example of those whose craving is for attention, not their own improvement, by doing certain things which are calculated to give rise to comment on your appearance or way of living generally.” – Seneca, Letter V, Letters from a Stoic.

Social media has brought a world of learning to your fingertips. You can learn anything from anyone. But to do so you have to be purposeful. You can’t just mindlessly scroll through your timeline. You have to actively search for individuals who challenge your worldview, those who open you up to new ideas.

Be judicious in who you follow. If someone is going to get followers at others expense than are they worthy of your time?

Priority

Priority – a thing that is regarded as more important than another.

Can you have priorities? No. One thing will always be more important than another. You have to identify a priority. Priorities are an impossibility.

As we move into the New Year people all over the world are making resolutions, setting goals or identifying priorities But with priorities you are stretched too thin. What is most important to you?

In Greg McKeown’s essentialism 21 day challenge he asks that you ask yourself each day: “What is the most important thing I need to do today?” He wants you to identify what is your priority for the day. Shouldn’t we ask that same question for the week? The month? The year?

We should identify one priority, at work, at home, to work on. Keep working on that one priority until you have accomplished it.

My priority personally is to publish a blog once a week. If I want to be a writer, I need to write every day with the priority of publishing it for the world to read.

My priority professionally is to continue to study Stoicism and how it can help educational leaders deal with the hard times we are all going through right now. Many of my blog posts will be about this subject.

The hard part will be staying focused with the myriad distractions that come with every day life. Having a priority doesn’t mean that you can’t work on other things. It just means that the priority must take precedence.

I will keep you posted on how each priority is going.

“Don’t set your heart on so many things.” – Epictetus

Book Review: Developing the Leader within You by John Maxwell

The past two years have been difficult to say the least. It doesn’t matter what your position is in your school district, your leadership has been challenged. You have probably not only questioned your own abilities. You have questioned your future in education. I know both of those doubts have crept into my own thinking. In times like these you need a reminder of why you do what you do and how best to accomplish your mission as a leader

Developing the Leader within You was that reminder for me. Whether you are an aspiring leader, a leader with a few years under your belt, or have held leadership positions for decades, this book can provide you with a renewed perspective on why you do what you do and how to do it better. John Maxwell takes the perspectives of leaders from all walks of life and provides his own fresh insights to inspire you to not just manage your organization but lead your people.

The underlying premise of the book is that influence is the cornerstone of leadership. You cannot be a leader without followers. You cannot have followers if you don’t have influence. To gain influence you must “communicate effectively. This leads to recognition and recognition in turn leads to influence” (p. 5). The chapters in the book provide you with the awareness into the ideas that help you grow your influence with your followers.

These ideas resonated with me the most:

  • Priorities – During the pandemic our priorities have been skewed to fighting fires rather than furthering our mission. This chapter was a great reminder that we have to set our own priorities and not let them be influenced by outside forces. “All good leaders have learned to say no to the good in order to say yes to the best” (p. 32).
  • Integrity – We have all had to make difficult, often unpopular decisions, during the pandemic. Integrity is what leads us all to make those difficult decision for the greater good, even in the face of severe criticism. “The measure of a man’s real character is what he would do if he would never be found out. – Thomas Macauley” (p. 43).
  • Creating Positive Change – Things have changed over the last two years. We were forced into making changes that we may not have made without the situation at hand. One of the biggest issues in education is the snail’s pace at which positive change occurs. We have to learn from the recent past to continue moving education forward without being forced to by our circumstances. “Elbert Hubbard said that the greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making one” (p. 58).
  • Problem Solving – There has never been a more important skill right now. Problems are thrust upon us on a daily basis. Problems that demand solutions. As leaders it is our responsibility to empower others to solve problems for themselves. “Problems should be solved at the lowest level possible, because that is where they appear” (p. 91).
  • Attitude – There is an old saying that attitude will determine your altitude. Moping, whining, crying out about the unfairness of things will not solve the problem at hand. It will only make you feel worse, and you still have to deal with whatever you are going through. “God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it” (p. 105).

This book gave me a renewed understanding of why I do what I do and how I can do it better. I got into education to make a difference in the lives of young people. They, more than any of us, have struggled to find their footing through these challenging times. We must always remember that every decision that we make has a direct impact on the students. Therefore it is imperative that we recapture our why and push forward with helping our children become good citizens of this challenging world.

Originally published American Association of School Personnel Administrators Blog

Civil Discourse

Where has civility gone in our society? You don’t have to agree with what’s going on, but why are you screaming about it. Discourse is slowly dying in this country.

I have no problem with people being passionate about their beliefs. However there is a way of being passionate and civil that seems to be lost on many of us.

If you’re going to be rude, I am unlikely to listen to you. If you scream at me, call me names because I don’t agree with you, I will turn you off. So even if you have valid points they are not making it into my brain for me to even consider.

As Adam Grant discusses in his book, Think Again, we spend too much time being a preacher, a prosecutor, or a politician. We preach to protect and promote our ideas. We prosecute when we see a flaw in someone’s argument and want to prove them wrong. We politic to win others over to our side. In all three of those cases what are we not doing? Listening.

The first thing we all need to do is listen, really listen. We need to listen before we respond. We need to listen with empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Does that always change our opinion or response? Not always, but maybe, just maybe the other person says something you agree with. Then what.

Then you must modify your opinion. Very few things in life are set in stone. Adam Grant describes this as thinking like a scientist. A scientist is willing to take in new information and modify their opinion based on that new information.

We will never always agree, but that doesn’t mean we have to scream at each other. We do have an obligation to change our opinion if and when information is presented to us that shows we are wrong. To do that we need to listen. For others to want to listen to you at the very least you need to be civil.

Liked v. Respected

Liked – found agreeable, enjoyable, or satisfactory.

Respected – admired someone deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements

We all have a need to belong to a tribe, to be liked. Unfortunately no one will never be liked by everyone. Attempting to be liked has led many a person to do things counter to their values.

Life is not a popularity contest. Many of the decisions we have to make in life are going to be unpopular, especially in today’s day and age, where everything is so polarized. In every situation you have to do what your values tell you is right, even if it is not easy or popular. When you consistently do what is right, then people will respect you, even if they don’t necessarily like you.

I would rather be respected than liked.

Disappointment

I have been told no, more than I have been told yes. Job interview after job interview. “No. I am sorry. We have someone else in mind.” Discouraging doesn’t even scratch the surface at times.

It is hard to not to think that it’s me. I wasn’t good enough for that job or this job. For some jobs, maybe I wasn’t good enough. It can be demoralizing. Doubts. Second guessing the interviews. What could I have done better? The answer most of the time is nothing.

But look at where I am. I would not be where I am if I hadn’t dusted myself off every time I was told no and kept interviewing. Failure?

“The only failure is not to try.” – George Clooney

“The same thing holds true for a positive outlook, however. Color your mind with the right thoughts, color them with what’s possible, and then whatever you’re trying to do—whether it’s trying to start a company or salvage a relationship or lose twenty pounds or quit drinking or make partner at your law firm—you’ll be able to manage it.” Daily Stoic newsletter, April 26, 2021

I believe I am ready for the next step in my career. It is my job then to keep a positive outlook and to color my mind with what’s possible. Will I continue to be told no? 100%. I will not allow those voices to then become my internal voice.

I will continue to be me. I will continue to let others know what I believe, not what I think they want to hear. One day the right opportunity will come along, and I will be ready.

Anger

I’m no raving lunatic. Don’t get me wrong. Especially in a professional setting I can hold it together. At some point though I can feel IT overtaking me. Once that happens I find it difficult to dial it back.

I don’t know when IT is going to happen. IT just happens. I wouldn’t say there is some special trigger. It can be anything. It can be an innocent comment that just hits me the wrong way.

Unfortunately at that moment I am prone to saying things that I regret. Then, after it’s all over, the guilt washes over me.

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.” – Epictetus

How do I do better in the moment between stimulus and response? How do I stop anger from taking over me? Or how do I get better at controlling my anger and using it to my advantage?

Anger is an emotion like any other emotion. It is neither good nor bad. It can be unhealthy. It can also be unhealthy to hold it back and not express it. Anger has its place just like every other emotion.

“If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.” – Epictetus

On The Daily Stoic podcast, Ryan Holliday interviewed the author Robert Greene. One of the topics they discussed was harnessing your anger.

Ryan Holliday used the example of coaches who get angry to invigorate their team through a difficult time in a game or season. As a former coach I have seen this done very well, and I have seen it done very poorly.

Robert Greene discussed how whether it goes well or poorly depends on if the coach has self-control and self-awareness. Can they step back and analyze their anger? Can they use it strategically to get the results they are after?

He goes on to say that only those people, that can pause in the moment between stimulus and response to analyze their emotions, are able to get the results they want. Only those that can channel their anger productively after analyzing why they’re angry will get the results they are after.

I am by no means there yet. However this is one of the things that I am really working on. I am sure if you ask my family, friends, and colleagues they may say it is not going so well, but I am a work in progress.

I must be more cognizant of the space between stimulus and response. Not everything needs an immediate reaction. I need to take the time to analyze my anger to see if it is justified and then if it is use it productively.

You can’t force children to learn.

“[Y]ou can’t force kids to learn. You can only inspire them to do so.” – David Perrell, Monday Musings, 8/17/20

Why do we continue to try to force children to learn?

We can blame state testing, but that is a cop out. It’s been going on since I was in HS. I grew up in an era where the only high stakes testing was the SAT.

I grew up hating English class. I disliked reading and writing. I came to realize that I hated reading and writing what the teacher wanted me to read and write.

I remember only one project in HS English. We had to do a poetry study. We could choose anyone we wanted. I chose Jim Morrison, partly out of being a smart ass. “I’m going to show her. No stuffy poets for me.” But also because I love music. There is not a day in my life that I don’t listen to music for at least 1 to 2 hours.

The book I used was Wilderness: The Lost Writings of Jim Morrison. What I realized during the project was that I really didn’t hate poetry. I hated the poets that we were required to read.

It was English for me, but it is another subject for someone else. The point is that unless we try to get students personally involved in the content they will shut us out in subjects that they don’t like.

Personalizing your course content is not easy. It requires much more planning, and is much more difficult to execute. But isn’t the payoff worth it?

We all feel our content is important, and it is. We all get upset when students blow off our work. If we want students to work within our content areas we have to help them see the usefulness of what we teach.

It is important that students learn how to think differently. Tackling a problem scientifically is different that tackling it mathematically or historically. The problems aren’t getting easier so being able to approach them from many different angles will be important to solving them.

So if students blow off your class because they are not interested then how are you helping them develop their problem solving skills?

. . . or worse, the end of the world as they knew it.

That is a line from Ryan Holiday’s book The Obstacle is the Way. How often has that been said throughout history? This statement is heard daily during 2020, but does that mean that “the end of the world as they knew it” is a bad thing?

There are many things in education that can and need to be changed. Fortunately pandemic teaching has brought many of these issues to the forefront. The question is do we have the courage to change them.

Change is never popular and is always difficult. It is especially difficult in “easy” times, times when things are humming along. These times lead us to the mantra “but that’s the way we’ve always done it.”

I don’t think any of us would label the times we are living in as easy. Hopefully educators at all levels have taken, are taking, and will take the time to reflect on what positive changes we can take out of pandemic teaching.

It could be meeting more students where they are rather than where we would like them to be. It could be moving towards standards based grading. It could be empowering students to have more control over what they learn and we teach.

Nothing will ever be the same, but that is just life in general. The changes brought on by the pandemic have been more abrupt than say some in the past, but the world is constantly evolving. We need to take this opportunity to create positive change.

Will we take “the end of the world as they knew it” and make the world better than it was before?

“If You Always Do What You’ve Always Done, You Always Get What You’ve Always Gotten.” – Jessie Potter taken from Robert Glazer’s Friday Forward email newsletter 12/18/2020

If You Only Have Friends, You Aren’t Doing Anything New

“No Enemy” poem written by Charles Mackay.

You have no enemies, you say?
Alas! my friend, the boast is poor;
He who has mingled in the fray
Of duty, that the brave endure,
Must have made foes! If you have none,
Small is the work that you have done.
You’ve hit no traitor on the hip,
You’ve dashed no cup from perjured lip,
You’ve never turned the wrong to right,
You’ve been a coward in the fight.

Anyone who does anything of substance creates enemies. Most people enjoy the status quo. It’s easy. It’s safe. It’s also never led to progress of any kind.

Progress comes from pushing the envelope. Progress comes from being uncomfortable. Both of these things can elicit a visceral negative reaction from people.

Education is all about the status quo. Many teachers are still teaching the way they were taught. To suggest any type of new pedagogy is often met with fear and trepidation, even if it is backed by research.

Such pushback to new ideas can lead to creating enemies. If all you want is friends in life then you will never do anything new. Now that doesn’t mean you have to be negative or aggressive with your ideas. It doesn’t mean you should attack others who disagree with you.

It does mean you have to be comfortable walking alone for a while. It means you have to be willing to hear negative things said about you. It means you have to be ok with having enemies.

Are you willing to create enemies to do what is right for your students?

Reasoned Choice

“You don’t have to get ready for the 2020-21 school year this weekend- just Monday. Make mistakes, learn a lot, regroup- then, Tuesday.” – Mark Savage, @MSavageWCPSS, Twitter

This quote rings just as true now as it did in August and September. The world of educating children in a COVID world changes on a dime. Who is quarantined? How do teachers teach or students learn from home when everyone else is in school? How can we make the best decision for the health and safety of students and staff on limited information? However we don’t have to have all the answers on Monday.

“A good person is invincible, for they don’t rush into contests in which they aren’t the strongest . . . For the only contest the good person enters is that of their own reasoned choice. How can such a person not be invincible?” – Epictetus, Discourses, 3.6 5-7

We have to take the facts that we have and make the best decision for the most people. These decisions may not be the easiest decisions or the most popular decisions, but must be the most reasoned decisions. We must make the best decision for the most people. Reasoned choice.

We cannot control outside events. We can only control our reaction to what is put in our way. We can only control our decisions on how to deal with the obstacles thrown at us. Reasoned choice.

I think we can all agree. Kids need to be in school for social, emotional, and academic reasons. We are proving that with reasoned choice in the protocols we put in place in person school can be done safely even during a pandemic. We can do this not by being blown about by every negative news story, Tweet, or Facebook post. But by looking at what is actually going on in our schools and adjusting what we do if need be to keep student and staff healthy and safe.

Reasoned choice.

Powerful Learning First, Technology Second

This is the title of chapter 9 in George Couros’s book The Innovator’s Mindset. Many people feel that technology is the answer. The answer to inequity. The answer to reopening schools. I disagree. Technology is a tool. How we use technology is part of the answer.

“Giving kids iPads or allowing them to film homework assignments on YouTube prepares them for the high-technology economy about as much as playing with Hot Wheels would prepare them to thrive as auto mechanics. “ – Cal Newport, Deep Work

We have to get away from using iPads, Chromebooks, laptops, etc. as expensive replacements for the worksheets many teachers rely on. This is where the powerful learning comes in. We, as educators, have to design experiences that allow students to think critically, collaborate, and create. Even more powerful than that, let the students design the learning experiences.

“And yet educators at schools where personalized learning is viewed as an overarching philosophy, rather than a digital panacea, say that adapting to the pandemic has been relatively painless, and that students are continuing to progress in their studies. The key difference between their approach and the popular narrative around personalized learning is that these educators have built their schools around the idea of student agency.” – Ainsley Harris, “Learning Gets Personal,” Fast Company, September 2020.

We have no choice but to give students more freedom in their learning. Students will be home either every day, three times per week, or every other day for at least the near future. We cannot assume that how we engaged students before will work now. In many cases what we were doing before wasn’t working any way.

We need to leverage the technology to make education better. We have to teach students to be creators. For that to happen our teachers need to be creators. It’s not enough that they move their PowerPoints to Google and provide a Form at the end of the lesson as an assessment. We need to fundamentally rethink what and how we educate our students.

We have an opportunity to remake education, so that our students now and in the future come out of this stronger, not weaker than before. Powerful Learning before technology.